Mulan: WWE style
by psychobunny410
Summary: I blame my muses for this. Seeing as this is a parody of the Disney movie Mulan done by WWE superstars. Let's just say nothing is right in this or won't be right for the most part. R
1. And the fun begins

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea of this parody.

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Act One: And the fun begins 

"Ah good China." Psychobunny says taking a breath of fresh air. "Good spot for my next vic.er.actors to perform my next parody." Christian walks up to her. "But this is just a set of China." Psychobunny glares at him. "Sure go and ruin my fun. Is everyone ready?" Doesn't wait for anyone to reply. "Ok and action!" Goes and sits in a director chair that's off set.

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Random backstage workers slowly paint a Chinese painting of the Great Wall of China across the screen/backdrop, which would put anyone to sleep just watching them paint. The words Walt Disney Pictures present and then Mulan and the dragon symbol appear.A foghorn blows to wake up the people who have fallen asleep. The painting becomes animated…er… live action, and a Chinese soldier who looks oddly like a French man walks around his post. 

"Why do I have to do be a soldier?" Rene asks. "Just be glad I gave you a part." Psychobunny retorts.

Suddenly, a bird of prey hits the back of his head causing the soldier to cry out in surprise. "Ah! We're under attack!" He says and dives for cover before the director walks on set and smacks him. "Don't improvise!" Walks back off set and sits down. Rene mumbles something in French under his breath.

The hawk lets out a caw and Rene reluctantly walks over to the edge of the wall. A hook came flying up from below and nearly hits Rene in the head. "Hey! Watch it down there!" He yells. "I'm too pretty and French to die."

"Sorry!" Came a reply from the Hurricane. "Also, France sucks!" He added. Rene looked appalled but with a glare from Psychobunny he went back to the scene at hand. They then try it again which this time the hook grabs the edge, followed by many more. Rene then runs back to his post like a chicken with its head cut off. "We're under attack! Light the signal! Man, the battle stations!"

Psychobunny sighs. "There's no hope in finding good help these days."

The door opens, revealing a couple of Huns and he climbs up the ladder. "Now all of France… China knows you're here." Rene states to the Hun leader as he lit the signal with a torch. Undertaker picks up a flag and tosses it in the fire signal. "Perfect." He grins.

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The Chinese…American General and two soldiers walk into the Emperor's chamber and bow. Well except for the General. "I'm not bowing to that _thing_." Bischoff said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Just do it, assclown." Jericho says offset. Eric mutters about going to go on a killing spree sooner or later.

He then slightly bows. "Your Majesty, the Huns have crossed our Northern Border." General Bischoff announces. "Man, I get to die and I asked for a part that doesn't involve dying."

Psychobunny shrugs. "Hey, I'm just going by popular demand here and along with me not liking you." She mutters the last part quietly. "Besides, Undertaker has to die and I don't want him to. It's just that he fits the dark, Hun leader role so perfectly." She added.

"Impossible! No one can get through the Great Wall! Otherwise it wouldn't be called the Great Wall of China for nothing." Billy Kidman said but was then silenced with a glare from the Emperor.

"I thought he was suppose to raise his hand like any other Emperor?" Christian asked, looking at the scene beside the director. "Look he wanted it to change otherwise I couldn't give him the role of Emperor." Psychobunny said. "Also, I couldn't do this without him. So, stop interrupting people."

General Bischoff then continues. "Shan Yu is leading them. We'll set up defenses around your palace immediately." The Emperor stands up; who seemingly is wearing a business suit instead of the actual outfit. "No!" Vince bellowed. "Send our troops to protect my people! Hell like I'd do that any ways." He said before looking at Billy. "Chi Fu!"

He looks at him. "Yes, your Highness. More like pain in the ass." He mutters the last part, which Vince heard but didn't bother to deal with him right now. He just gives him a stern look. "Deliver pink slips to those that are going to be fired and then conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves, and as many new recruits as possible." Everyone looks nervous from what Vince said about firings on and off stage.

General Bischoff then clears his throat. "Forgive me, your Majesty." He then shakes his head. "I just reached a new low on calling Vince that...again." Psychobunny then throws a rock, not The Rock, at Eric hitting him on the head. "Yeah I know everyone would feel like that but just get on with your line."

He reluctantly continues while holding the spot where he was hit. "But I believe my worthless troops can stop him." Vince chuckles, agreeing with his statement. "I won't take any chances, General. A single grain of rice can tip the scale; one man may be the difference between victory and defeat. Which I won't allow defeat to be the case so do as I say damn it."

"Ok and cut!" Psychobunny says with a smile. "I think this weird set-up for our Mulan and our Shang to be." Christian stated with a sigh. "Yeah well it's original I say but it's only for this one time though." The director says still smiling.

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A/N: Don't not ask why I thought of this. Except review and tell me what you think of it. -smiles- I'm sure it'll get better once I really get going on this. 


	2. Weirdness occurs

Disclaimer: Still own nothing and hopefully no one will get confused on who's playing who from now on.

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Act Two: Weirdness occurs

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Christian runs over and stops in front of Psychobunny who is listening to music with headphones on. He takes them off. "We have a slight problem." He says with discontent. She looks at him with a scowl. "What is it now?" He fidgets before answering. "Lita doesn't want to anything to her hair."

Psychobunny gets up. "Hold that thought. I'll be right back." Christian then looks confused and mutters about her being crazy. A few minutes later she returned. "It's all settled now and don't ask what I did to get her to agree." She said. Christian rolls his eyes. "Like I was really going to." "Now action people." She says through a megaphone.

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Lita, with black hair now, is sitting on her futon with a bowl of rice and seems to be studying for something. She uses chopsticks to balance a grain of rice.

"Hey since when can any of us read or write in Chinese? Also, on how to use chopsticks?" Christian asked sounding shocked. "Magic, dear Watson, magic." Psychobunny said with a pipe in hand then blowing in it causing bubbles to come out.

"Quiet and demure… graceful, polite, delicate, refined, poised…" She picks up a paintbrush and makes a Chinese character on her arm. "…punctual!" She says happily. A rooster crows in the background. "Aaiee!" Jericho wails. "That hurt you know, Angle." He said rubbing his backside as Kurt pinched him with a clothespin. Kurt chuckled as he loved doing that but not in that way you sick people. Psychobunny sighed. "That will have to do seeing as we couldn't get a real rooster."

Lita then blows on her arm to dry the ink faster while calling out. "Little brother! Little brother! Little--" She then glances down at a suppose to be sleeping Spike in a dog costume on the floor.

"This is cruel and mean." He says while pouting. "Hey I gave you a part so be happy. So… get to acting!" Psychobunny states, ushering the scene to continue.

Lita taps her foot on the ground and Spike grumbles as he lies down to pretend to sleep. "Good boy." She says rubbing it in with a smile. He attempts to flip her off but she kicks him before doing such act. "Hey! No violence!" Christian said. Spike coughed as they continued.

"Ah! There you are!" Lita said as Spike is suppose to wake up seeing that he's already awake and in pain. "Who's the smartest doggy in the world?" She says while petting him on his head. "C'mon, smart boy! Can you help me with my chores today?" She adds while tying a sack of chicken feed to his back, complete with a pole and a bone attacked.

"I hate you both." Spike glares at her and the director. He then chases the bone on all fours, running out the door, scattering grain everywhere. "Wasn't he suppose to run into the wall then out the door?" Christian asked. Psychobunny shrugs, "Eh, good enough for me seeing as he's not no dumb dog."

In the family temple, Matt is on his knees. "This is so freaky that I have to be my girlfriend's father in this." He states, wishing for a better part now. "Well you're the first one that came to mind who's out with an injury." The director said. "So, get to praying Fa Zu."

Matt sighs then starts praying. "Honorable Ancestors…please help Mulan impress the Matchmaker from Hell today." He said just as Spike, followed by a herd of actual chickens, bursts into the family temple. "Please, please help her…" Spike then runs back out of the temple saying something about the chickens are evil. "…and the dog." He adds shaking his head at the sight.

Lita walks to the temple while carrying a tray with a cup and a teapot on it. "Father… wow that sounds awkward." She said with wide eyes. She then runs into Matt without finishing her line. Thus causing her to drop the tray, Matt catches the teapot on his cane while the cup and tray smashes to the ground.

"Mulan…" Matt says with slight agitation even though he's looking Lita up and down with the kimono on. She whips out another cup from her kimono. "I brought a spare!" She said as Matt's eyes narrow. "Mulan…" He gets cut off as she tips the teapot from on the cane and pours tea into the cup.

"Remember, the doctor said three cups of tea in the morning…" She says as her 'father' tries to get her attention. "Mulan." "…and three at night." She finishes. By this time Matt was looking very agitated and very distracted about something. "Mulan. You should have already been in town by now. We're counting on you to…" He starts but is cut off by Lita. "Uphold the family honor. Don't worry, Father of Mattitude. I won't let you down. Wish me luck!" She said before getting on Khan the horse, and riding off to town.

Matt smiles. "Aw, my personal student has grown up." He says fake crying. Psychobunny shakes her head in disbelief. "Say your damn lines, Hardy." Both Matt and Jeff look at her. "Which one?" They ask in unison. "The father." Christian said, being a good assistant director.

"Ok, ok I'm getting there." Matt said before looking like this situation with Mulan was hopeless. "Hurry!" He calls after her then shakes his head going to head back inside the temple. "I'm going to… pray some more." He said with a sigh.

"End of this scene now." Psychobunny said, stating the end of the scene. "You know this is just wrong." Christian said, shaking his head. "What did I do now?" The director looks at him with confusion. "The whole set-up." He states. Spike is now rejoicing by taking the dog costume off. "Good, no more of this horrible part." He says happily.

"Do you people even read the script?" Jericho asks with a raised brow. "You have to play the dog one more time but it's not till the end." Spike still looks happy. "Yeah but that's not for awhile."

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A/N: Another chapter done and hope you people like it. -smiles- 


	3. Singing Lessons

Disclaimer: Thanks for the wonderful reviews except for that last anonymous one. I don't appreciate flamers that act like that. Everyone else that has and is continuing to review THANKS! Also, I own nothing but the idea of this parody to happen.

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Act Thee: Singing Lessons

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The director is sitting on her directors chair, sleeping. Christian walks up and shakes her awake. "You can't sleep we have another scene to do." He states. Psychobunny yawns and stretches. "What? Oh ok." She says while scratching her head. Kurt brings her a cup of coffee but she throws it at him. "You should know that I hate coffee." She glares at him. "Well, sorry for be helpful." He mutters while cleaning up the mess.

"Action people." She yells, dismissing Angle's scowl.

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In town outside of a house there stood Fabulous Moolah and Jeff Hardy in drag. "Man, why do I got to be the mom?" He complained, messing with his kimono. "Just be glad Psychobunny didn't have Mae Young play the role of the grandma." Moolah said with a grateful nod. Everyone shuddered at the thought.

"Ok now that's something I didn't want to know." Jericho said from offstage. There was a crash some where's seeing as word traveled quickly about Mae Young. "I'm ok." Came the voice of Rey, who was covered in a pile of electrical cords. Seeing as he must have been moving them and fell when he heard the news. Whether it is good or bad, just the mention of Mae's name causes a panic.

"That's good then that you're ok Rey-Rey." Psychobunny said, looking over at the mess. "Jericho, Kurt, help him out." She turns back to the scene at hand as Jeff is messing with the fake bra and boobs. "Action people."

Trish comes out of the house while giggling at how Jeff looked. "Fa Li, where is your daughter? The Matchmaker is not a patient woman." She said, stretching out the word 'not.' Jeff looks at her with a pout. "Stop laughing at me." He said, then looked around as if looking for Lita. "Of all the days to be late! I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck." He said in a high falsetto. Which caused the others to laugh at his voice now.

Moolah waved her hand at what Jeff said. "How lucky can they be? They're dead for crying out loud. Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need." She holds up a wicker cage with a cricket inside whilst having a smile on her face. "This is your chance to prove yourself." She says to the cricket then closes her eyes and steps off the sidewalk. Jeff's eyes go wide. "Grandma! No!" He says in the same high falsetto voice. "Hey technically she _is _old enough to be my grandma. Heh, go figure that line works out." He adds in his normal tone of voice.

"Oh shut up." Moolah says while walking across the street with her eyes closed. Thus, causing vehicles to crash but she emerges unharmed. She turns around. "Yup! This cricket's a lucky one!" She yells as the cricket faints from the near death experience. Jeff sighs just as Lita can be seen riding into town on Khan. Her hair a mess and a piece of hay sticking out as she jumps off of the horse.

"I'm here!" Lita announces and sees the annoyed look on Jeff's face. She laughs at the sight of Jeff having to play her mother though. "Oh great I'm a laughing stock now." He glares at the director. "Thanks a lot!" He says while rolling his eyes in sarcasm. "Hey! I'm not laughing." Matt states from offstage. Jericho and a few others burst out laughing now.

"The Hardy boys are married to each other." Jericho pointed out the obvious, still laughing about it. "Ok the time for laughing is over with. The time for moving on with the scene is now." Psychobunny yells with a smile. Everyone settles down from laughing to a moderate chuckle from time to time.

"What? But, Mama, I had to--" Lita continues with her lines while snickering. Jeff grumbles but goes on with the scene though. "None of your excuses. Now, let's get you cleaned up." He said, while pushing her inside.

"Wait!" Matt yells, running onstage… well hobbles on stage seeing that he is injured after all. This makes every stop from the start of a sing-along type thing. He then manages to trip and fall into the tub of bath water. "Wow that's cold." He says, dragging himself out of the tub. "Well, duh, it's suppose to be." Christian said. "Besides, why stop this scene now?" Matt starts ringing the water out of his outfit. "Because I don't want Jeff to be here…" He trails off as the director walks over and hits him. "Say no more and this scene is taking forever to do now." She says with a devious smile. "Stunt double!"

Molly Holly comes in dressed like Jeff except without the fake boobs though. "Ok Jeff get out for now and Matt..." Psychobunny looks at him. "Are you happy now?" She asks. Matt nods and walks off stage after Jeff. "Very much yes." He replied.

"I can't complain seeing as I don't think this is degrading just as long as I have some role in this." Molly said whilst Funaki was refilling the tub back up with cold water. The director went and sat back down in her chair. "Action!"

The women push Lita behind a dressing screen and undress her. Also, Trish starts singing, "This is what you give me to work with? Well, honey, I've seen worse. We're going to turn this sow's ear. Into a silk purse." Lita then gets pushed into the tub of water without giving a view to the audience her goods. "Dang, Matt wasn't kidding. It's freezing!" She says with wide eyes and starts shivering.

"It would've been warm, if you were here on time." Molly stated as Trish went and started washing Lita's hair. "We'll have you, washed and dried. Primped and polished till you glow with pride. Just my recipe for instant bride. You'll bring honor to us all." Trish sang.

Molly then picks up a sponge and starts bathing Lita. She turns her arm over and notices the runny Chinese characters written. "Mulan, what's this?" She scolded. Lita grimaced lightly. "Uh…notes…in case I forget something." She managed to say. "Hold this." Moolah says, handing Crickee to Molly, who looks disgusted with the thing. "We've going to need way more luck than I thought." She said and goes off to gather a few things.

Torrie poured water over Lita to clean her. Then she was sitting in front of a mirror dressed in a different kimono. "Wait and see, when we're through." Torrie sang, putting on Lita's make-up. "Boys will gladly go to war for you," sang Victoria. "With good fortune." Torrie sang with a smile. "And a great hairdo." Victoria sang while putting up Lita's hair.

They both sang happily together now. "You'll bring honor to us all. A girl can bring her family. Great honor in one way. By striking a good match. And this might be the day."

Christy sang with a smile. "Men want girls with good taste." Stacey and Molly alternate singing the next part now. Starting with Stacey, "Calm." "Obedient." "Who work fast-paced." "With good breeding," sang Molly with a weird look. "And a tiny waist." Stacey sang while tightening a ribbon from behind on Lita's kimono. "Ack! Can't breath!" Lita gasped and the leggy blonde loosened it up a bit.

"Sheesh, I'm not _that _tiny." Lita proclaimed as the others gathered in chorus. "You'll bring honor to us all. We all must serve our Emperor. Who guards us from the Huns. A man by bearing arms. A girl by bearing sons."

Gail Kim then sings, "When we're through, You can't fail. Like a lotus blossom, soft and pale. How could any fellow say, "No sale"? You'll bring honor to us all!" The women move away to show off a dressed and painted Lita, who looks like a porcelain doll in a way… kind of.

Molly quickly runs offstage seeing her cue from Christian that it was time to switch. Jeff took his rightful place with a pleased look, from getting back on stage and how he's suppose to act with Lita all dolled up now. "There, you're so ready to take on that evil Matchmaker." He said.

Moolah walks back over with a few items in hand. "Not yet! An apple for serenity." Places the apple in Lita's mouth, which she takes out. "A pendant for balance." Places a pendant around her neck. "Beads of jade for beauty." She hands the beads to her. "You must proudly show it." She then places the cricket cage on the back of Lita's kimono. "Now, just add a cricket, just for luck. And even you can't blow it!" Moolah sang as they headed outside.

Lita walks over to where a line of girls, were heading to see the Matchmaker. "Ancestors, hear my plea. Please don't let me make a fool of me. And to not uproot my family tree. Keep my father standing tall." She finally has a chance to sing.

All of the girls including Lita sing, "Scarier than the Undertaker."

"Only when people need a lesson learned." Undertaker said from offstage in a kind of singsong voice, catchy, non?

"We are meeting our matchmaker! Destiny, guard our girls, Help our future as it fast unfurls. Please look kindly on these cultured pearls. Each a perfect porcelain doll... Please bring honor to us. Please bring honor to us. Please bring honor to us. Please bring honor to us. Please bring honor to us all!" They continued singing even through Undertaker's slight interruption. Going into a different part of town and a gate closing behind them.

"Yes! Finally, it's over with!" Psychobunny yells, then runs out of the area like a maniac. Jericho raises a brow. "Next time just let her sleep Christian." He says to the other blond Canadian. "Will do." He said with a nod.

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A/N: Sorry for Jeff fans out there. I'm one of them but it just adds to the humor for making him Mulan's mom. Which then makes him 'married' to his brother and Lita is their child. So, yeah… my twisted mind has got the best also A.p.R suggested that when I didn't have a clue when I was first setting this up. Kudos to you man. 


	4. Meet the Matchmaker

Disclaimer: Well if y'all didn't notice that I'm leaving out parts it's due to the fact I haven't seen the movie in a long time. But it's good to make up random stuff though. -smiles- I own nothing! Except for myself.

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Act Four: Meet the Matchmaker

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Christian plops down in his assistant director's chair. "She's still gone." He sighed but then brightened up. "Woohoo! That means I'm in charge now." Jericho mutters something incoherent but went along the lines of lucky bastard. "Action, people." Captain Charisma says in an eerie, cheerful way. 

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We see the girls have lined up in a straight line. The door in front of them opens to reveal Stephanie, where a kimono stuffed with a few pillows to make her look fat and a clipboard and pen in hand. "You know I hate this part." She huffed to Christian seeing as Psychobunny was gone. "Well at least you get to be your evil self." He says, trying to get her to act.

Steph glares at him but goes on with the scene. Despite the fact of hating her part. "Fa Mulan?" She calls out. Lita raises her hand. "Present!" She yells. "Wow that brought back school memories." Stephanie then makes a check on the board in front of her. "Speaking without permission…" She says without emotion.

Lita grimaces at her mistake. "Oops…" She says as they both go inside the house. Moolah turns to Jeff, as they were outside waiting to see how she did. "Who spit in her bean curd?" She said. Jeff snickers at the thought.

Stephanie then looks her over before making another check on the board. "Too skinny… not good for bearing sons. Also, who comes up with such things?" She asked, finding the son thing really weird.

"Probably because it was an old custom back in China." Jericho shrugs. "I don't know I'm just guessing."

Crickee then hops out of his cage and Lita tries frantically to put him back while the Matchmaker's back is turned. Lita finally grabbed the little bugger and tossed it into her mouth just as Stephanie turned back around. "Recite the Final Admonition." She stated, giving a look like 'you better get it right or else.'

"Mmm-hmm-hmm…" Lita mumbled before pulling out a fan, placing it in front of her mouth and spits out the cricket. Stephanie looks at her. "Well?" She asked, waiting for her to recite the admonition. Lita looks nervous and starts to fidget. "Crap, I forgot my line." She says looking at Christian.

Christian then palms his face. He picks up a copy of the script like all good moviemakers should have close by. "Fulfill your duties." He repeats to her, hopefully that would remind her of her lines. Lita nods in remembrance now. "Ok, thanks." She then turns her attention back on Stephanie. "Fulfill your duties, calmly and…" She glances down at the notes written on her arm, which are smeared slightly. "…respectively. Um, reflect before you… snack. Act! This shall bring you honor and glory." She finishes quickly while fanning herself.

Stephanie grabs the fan away and looks it over for cheat notes. Seeing this is a test and all. Finding none, she grabs Lita by the arm, where the notes are, and pulls her toward a table. The writing comes off on her hand and she sits down.

Stephanie motions towards the teapot on the table. "Now, pour the tea… eew I dislike tea." She said, rather quickly. "Bloody hell, tea is good for you." Regal says from offstage, sipping some tea of his own. "Just pretend it's coffee like other things you pretend to do so well." Jericho said with a snicker. Steph gives him the bird before continuing. "To please your future in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity…" She gets interrupted.

"What dignity? Did you know she had any dignity left?" Jericho asked Nunzio offstage. Nunzio snickered as when Jericho turned around he got bitch slapped by Stephanie. Christian ran over and broke them up. "Ok you back onstage." He tells Steph then turns to Chris, who is rubbing his red cheek from the slap. "Stop the wise-cracks for now." He says and sits back down.

"You may continue now Stephanie." He said with a nod. "Thank you, Christian." She said, giving him a smile. "Suck up." Edge coughed about his former tag partner. "I think you need some cough medicine their, ese. Otherwise that could get worse." Eddie said to Edge with a smirk.

As the scene finally continues onstage, Stephanie rubs her hand over her mouth and ink rubs off with a squeak. Causing a mustache-like appearance to appear on her face. "And refinement. You must also be poised." She goes on with her lines. Lita stares at Stephanie while pouring the tea but misses the cup, and then regains her composure so the she wouldn't suspect anything and quickly fills the teacup. She then notices Crickee relaxing happily in the tea, don't ask how that's possible but it is. The Matchmaker takes the cup. "Um, pardon me…" Lita says trying to stop something bad from happening.

Stephanie gives a slight glare. "And silent!" She says not paying attention to the cricket bathing in the tea. She sniffs the tea, which causes the antennas on the insect to raise and she breathes out a sigh of content. "Ah…"

"Could I just take that back? One moment…" Lita says while grabbing for the teacup. The Matchmaker fights for the teacup. "It's mine." Stephanie said, before they both fall back, the tea spilling over her. "Why you clumsy!" She starts yelling as Crickee jumps down her dress. "Oh! Ah! Woo!" She yells trying to get whatever it is out. She trips over the fire-pot, spilling the coals and then sitting on them, the bottom of her dress starts smoking.

She gets up and Lita goes over and desperately fans the burned spot, and it bursts into flames. "Praise the Lord. My prayers have been answered." Jericho yells with a smirk, facing the sky with his hands up in the air. Christian gives him a funny look. "What?" Jericho asks as he noticed Christian. "Never mind I don't think I want to know what you meant by that." The assistant director says with a sigh and turns his attention back on the scene.

Stephanie runs around screaming. Outside, we see Moolah and Jeff hearing the commotion from inside. "I think it's going quite well, don't you?" She asked with a slight smile. Stephanie then runs outside the building, still screaming. "Put it out! Put it out! PUT IT OUT!" Lita then throws the tea all over her, putting the fire out, which caused Stephanie's make-up to run. Embarrassed but chuckling, she hands the teapot to Stephanie and quickly walks toward Jeff and Moolah.

Stephanie yells in frustration. "You are a DISGRACE! You may look like a bride, but you will NEVER bring your family honor, you red-headed bimbo!" Tension grew in the air as Lita grew angry with that. "Cat fight!" yelled Test. With that said, Stephanie and Lita started fighting onstage. Chavo, Eddie, Tazz and a few other people from backstage helped to try and stop the catfight.

After breaking them up, Lita had to go back to get her make-up and clothes redone. Being an excellent stylist that Rico is, within ten minutes he was finished with reapplying the make-up and fixing the kimono, and those scratch marks from Stephanie were visibly gone. "Thanks Rico." Lita said and gave him a quick hug before going back on stage to finish with today's scene. "'Not a problem, Lita. Just glad to be of some assistance." He replied with a smile.

Back onstage, at the Fa farm now, Matt greets Lita with a warm smile, well a forced warm smile, but, acting humiliated, she turns away and takes Khan to the stable. She looks at her reflection in the pond below and with a sleeve from the dress she wipes off the make-up. "Look at me... I will never pass for a perfect bride. Or a perfect daughter. Can it be? I'm not meant to play this part? Now I see. That if I were truly to be myself. I would break my family's heart." She sings while trying to figure out who she really is.

"Who is that girl I see. Staring straight back at me. Why is my reflection someone I don't know. Somehow I cannot hide. Who I am, though I've tried. When will my reflection show. Who I am inside? When will my reflection show. Who I am, inside?" She finishes her grand singing part.

"And cut." Christian said with a smile. "Well done Lita, excellent singing and Stephanie, you were great too." Psychobunny then runs back in. "How'd it go?" She asks. "It went quite well." Her assistant director replied. "Except for the small catfight." Edge chipped in. Psychobunny groans in annoyance and walks away again. "Good going Adam." Kurt groans.

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A/N: Woot! Another chapter done and over with. Review my lovelys. -smiles-  



	5. Proclamation equals party time!

Disclaimer: Thanks everyone to has read and reviewed. -smiles and hands out plushies of favorite wrestlers to the loyal reviewers-

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Act Five: Proclamation equals party time

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Psychobunny comes back all calm like. "Ok, I'm better now." She says while taking her rightful place again. "Damn, I wanted to direct again." Christian muttered, mostly to himself. That makes him get hit in the head by a shoe. "Hush up, you." The director glares at him. Jericho cowers a bit at the tone of her voice. Christian holds the spot where he got hit and keeps quiet. Psychobunny then looks all, calm and peacefully. "Ok people on with the scene." She says and everyone doesn't object to that. 

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Matt is sitting on a bench near the cherry trees that have blossomed except for one of them. Lita sits down next to him with a distraught expression. "My, my, what beautiful blossoms we have this year." He says to Lita then points out the non-blossomed one. "But look, this one's late. I bet when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of them all just like you." He adds with a smile, which causes her to smile in return. Just then they hear a drum sound which make them wonder what's going on. "What is it?" Lita asks her father.

Imperial soldiers and Billy Kidman come riding over a hill on white stallions. Billy doesn't look too comfortable and the horse bucks him off. "Goddamn." He said with a scowl at the horse, picking himself off and dusting off his clothes. Then picks up the funky looking chancellor hat and places it back on his head. "Let's try this again." Billy said, hopping back on the horse, which throws him back off. "I hate that horse!" He yells.

Christian sighs then looks at Psychobunny. "Bring in the stunt horse?" He asked. She nods and yells. "Stunt horse!" The Basham brothers walk over in a white horse costume. "This is evil." Danny said. "Well at least you two are about the same height otherwise it would have looked weird with two other people." Psychobunny says and drags the real horse offstage by the reigns.

Doug and Danny take its place and Billy gets up on their back. Doug then throws him off for the fun of it. "Oops, sorry about that." He said with a hidden smirk. "I'll show you sorry you son of a bitch." Kidman glares at the lower half of the horse but then receives a nasty look from the director. "After we're done with this scene." He adds and gets back on.

Matt then heads outside the farm area to see what they want. "Mulan, stay inside." He says with a stern look. Lita huffs, but then Moolah points to a low roof. "Ahem." Lita gives a small smile and runs over to it and peers over the roof.

Kidman finally gets on with his part when they stop near the middle of the province as people gathered around. He looks around at everyone. "Citizens! I bring a proclamation and pink slips from the Imperial City!" Christian then cuts him off. "That's not funny with the pink slip deal." Billy doesn't care and carries on with his line. "The Huns have invaded China! By order of Vince McMahon a.k.a. the Emperor, one man from every family must serve in the Imperial Army." He adds then pulls out a list and starts reading from it.

"Eggs, bread, hotdogs…" He stops then chuckles. "Wrong list seeing as that's my grocery list which I have no idea how that got mixed up in this." He stuffs the list away and pulls out a different one. "Good it's the right list now. The Chow family!" A soldier hands out a scroll to some random person as they walk up when called. "The Yee family!" Billy calls out. "I will serve the Emperor in my father's place." Bubba Ray says and takes the scroll from a soldier. "The Fa family!" He calls.

Lita's face grew shocked. "No!" She yells as Matt walks over to Billy Kidman. "I am ready to serve the Emperor… not really though." Matt said shaking his head. Lita then runs out and stops by her father's side. "Father, you can't go!" She proclaims.

"Like I'd really want to any ways," says Matt. "Mulan." Lita then turns her attention to Billy. "Please, sir, my father has already fought for--" Billy then cuts her off but then is cut off by Danny. "Damn, Billy, you need to loose a few pounds." The 'horse' moves to redistribute Kidman's weight on them without breaking the costume.

"Silence! I don't weight that much!" He boasted to the Basham brothers then looked at Matt. "You will learn to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence." Matt looked at Lita with a disappointed expression. "Mulan. You dishonor me." He said, seriously. Lita then runs back inside and Jeff and Moolah watched the scene from afar. They watched Lita hurry into the house. Billy then hands Matt a scroll. "Report tomorrow at the Moo-Shung Camp." Matt bows slightly. "Yes, sir." Kidman then continues to read from the list. "The Chu Family! The Chang Family! The Yong Family!"

The Basham brothers then took off with Billy still on as the scene with them was over with. "Ah! Help! Run away horse!" He yells whilst holding onto the upper half of the horse which is Danny. Running past several wrestlers working backstage, which gave them odd looks. Doug then decided to split from his brother in the other direction. Thus, causing the costume to rip in half and Kidman to go flying.

Psychobunny just shook her head and laughed at the sight. Both, Doug and Danny looked at their work and hi-five each other. "We did a great job, brother." Doug said with a smirk. "Couldn't agree more." Danny agreed. "Ok people back to work." Psychobunny said.

In Matt's bedroom that's onset not the actual room. He yanks open his closet, revealing a… dress? "What the?" He pulls the dress out and examines it. "I think there was a slight mix up."

"Who was in charge of the armor?" Christian asks, looking around the room at everyone in sight. "Sorry!" called Eugene. "What happened?" The director asked him. "I was in charge in getting the armor but we had to order one." Eugene fidgets and puts his head down like he was in trouble. "Not to fear!" Rosey states with an ironic superhero pose just as Psychobunny was going to yell about it.

Hurricane then rushes in with the ordered armor in hands. "Holy timing, this just arrived." He states and places it in the closet. Then takes the dress away from Matt and takes the dress back to the dressing room. "Party time after this now!" cheers Psychobunny. Everyone rejoices at the thought. "But first let's finish up this scene." She adds.

Matt then unsheathes a sword and Lita watches outside the room. He practices some techniques that's he's seen in the kung-fu movies, but his leg gives out and he falls against a pillar, panting.

At dinner, Jeff, Matt, Lita, and Moolah are sitting at a table like all Chinese people would. Lita pours the tea, then sets her cup down with a bang. "You shouldn't have to go!" She yells. Matt gives her a stern expression. "Mulan!"

"There are plenty of young men to fight for China!" She continues to try and get her point across. Matt tears a little. "That just hurts for being called old in secret." He then wipes his eyes and clears his throat. "It is an honor to protect my country and my family."

Lita narrows her eyes at him. "So you'll die for honor." "I will die doing what's right." Matt said, sipping his tea. "But if you--" Matt cuts Lita off. "I know my place. It's time you learned yours."

Lita stares at Matt for a moment, then runs outside crying.

"Cut!" Christian says with a smile. "Now let's go party! Woo!" Everyone then heads out to go party. "I'm such a nice director." Psychobunny says wiping a tear away then heads out to go join the others.


	6. The Demoted One and the Great One

Disclaimer: Own nothing but the idea.

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Act Six: The Demoted One and the Great One

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The stage is currently being cleared off from the party the other day. Everyone was helping to clean up. Psychobunny idly sits in her chair and watches the clean up proceed. Time slowly goes by and soon the stage and everywhere else is clean. "Finally!" cheers the director. "Well you could've helped out, you know." Jericho says with a slight glare.

"Well I made the party happen so I don't need to clean up afterwards." She said then grabbed her megaphone. "People take your places." She yelled through it. "And action!"

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Scene opens to Lita is sitting in a statue of a dragon, crying. It is… snowing! "Cut!" Psychobunny yells. "Wrong use of weather Tajiri." Tajiri bows from up on the railing above the stage. "Sorry, sorry." He says then switches from snow to rain. So, now it's raining on set like it's suppose to. Through the window of her house, she can see her 'mother' and father talking. Matt picks up the candle and blows it out. Lita thinks for a minute, then makes her decision.

Lita then walks into the Family Temple and lights a stick, placing it in a hanging statue of a small dragon. She runs into her parent's room, Matt and Jeff are supposed to be sleeping.

"This is not right." Jeff proclaims, sitting up in the bed with his arms crossed. "It's only for one second Jeff. Besides, it's not like you two are suppose to do anything else but sleep." Christian said. "Oh god now that sounded horrible." Matt said, sitting up now with a shocked expression. "Matt, you hear things and both of you just pretend to sleep so Lita can get on with her scene." Psychobunny said with an annoyed look.

"Fine." They both said in unison. Now they're 'sleeping' while Lita takes the scroll and leaving her hair comb. Taking her father's sword, she cuts her hair short and puts on her father's armor. Going out to the stable, she mounts Khan and sets off for the army.

The eyes of a statue in the temple flash, and Moolah wakes up. She hurries to the parent's bedroom and opens the door. "Mulan is gone!" She says with haste, which 'wakes' the Hardy boys up. "What? It can't be…" Matt says then sees the comb where the scroll should be. He runs outside with Jeff and Moolah right behind. "Mulan! No…" He then notices the gate swinging open.

Jeff looked worried when he looked at Matt. "You must go after her. She could be killed." Matt shakes his head. "If I reveal her, she will be." Moolah looks up at the sky after Jeff and Matt go back inside with their heads down not knowing what to do. "Ancestors, hear our prayer. Watch over Mulan." She said before going in.

I take it this will be happening in the daytime in the Family Temple as the characters on a tombstone light up, and with great visual effects they turn into the Great One as a ghost. He looks over at the small hanging dragon statue. "Mushu, awaken before the Great One has to kick your candy ass." He says. The statue begins to shake and smoke then out of the smoke appears RVD in a dragon costume. Also, with great visual effects he looks tiny… like a small lizard.

"Dude, you didn't have to threaten me. So, what mortal needs my protection, Great Ancestor. You just say the word and I'm there." He said, ready and willing for action. "Mushu…" The Rock says, trying to get across to him. "And lemme say something, anyone who's foolish enough to threaten OUR family, pretty messed up family that is, vengeance will be MINE! Grr… arrgh…" RVD says trying to be ferocious.

"Whoa! Back-up, Mushu." Rock says doing his famous hand motion dealy then points to several different stone statues up high on the wall. "These are the family guardians. They…" RVD then cuts him off. "Protect the family." He said with disappointment.

The Rock looks at RVD. "And you, O Demoted One…" RVD sighs. "I ring the gong. Man, this is the lamest job with this gig." Rocky nods with a smile, loving his part. "That's right you wanna-be hippie. Now, wake up the Ancestors."

RVD picks up a small gong and a hammer. "One family reunion coming right up, boss man." He then walks around the temple beating the gong. "Okay, people, people, look alive… well somewhat any ways. Let's go c'mon get up! Let's move it! Rise and shine! Y'all way past the beauty sleep thing."

A few more ancestors appear out of their tombstones. "I knew it, I just knew it. That Mulan was a troublemaker from the start," says Dawn Marie. Miss Jackie gives her a death glare. "Don't look at me, she gets it from your side of the family!"

Charlie Haas gets in between the two to break up a fight before it even started. "She's just trying to help her father!" He said. The girls just kept their eyes on each other. "But if she's discovered, Fa Zhou will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate! Disintegrate I tell you!" Shannon says while looking like he's on the verge of a breakdown.

"Not to mention they'll lose the farm!" Scotty added. "My children never caused such trouble; they all became acupuncturists!" Dawn said. "Well, we can't all be acupuncturists!" Jackie said with venom to her. Both looked on the verge of jumping each other but Charlie held them back from fighting though.

"No! Your great-granddaughter had to be a CROSS-DRESSER!" Batista said with a smirk. A moment later, Jeff caught the joke. "Hey! That's not funny." He said from offstage. "Sorry couldn't help but yell that last part out." Dave said, still smirking.

The Ancestors start to argue amongst themselves and The Rock stares on in disbelief. "Let a guardian bring her back!" exclaimed Tyson. Jackie then picks up RVD with the gong in hand. "Yes! Awaken the most cunning!" She says holding him up to a statue. Shannon then takes him away from Jackie and puts him in front of a different statue. "No! The swiftest!" He said.

Ivory takes RVD from Shannon and puts him in front of another different statue. "No, send the wisest!" She said. "Whoa, this is like playing hot potato but with me instead of a ball." RVD said. Rocky had enough of this arguing of which guardian should go. "Silence, you monkeys. We will send the most powerful of all." He said after getting their attention, which Ivory drops RVD on the ground.

RVD gets up and dusts himself with a laugh. "Okay, okay, I get the Jif. I'll go." He says with a smile. This makes all the ancestors laugh at him. "Y'all don't think I can do it, do ya? Well watch this here!" RVD then blows out a tiny flame. "Ah-ha! Jump back, I'm pretty hot." He then runs a hand across his head in a suave manner. "But I don't have to singe nobody to prove no point." He finished.

The Rock gives RVD the people's eyebrow. "You had your chance to protect the Fa Family and you blew it." Batista then spoke up. "Your misguidance led Fa Thang to disaster!" We then see Shane holding his head. "Yeah, thanks a lot Rob... er… Mushu."

Rob then folds his arms across his chest. "And your point is, dude?" The Rock pokes RVD in the chest. "The point is, we will be sending a real dragon to retrieve Mulan… not no dragon wanna-be."

RVD looks appalled at what The Great One said. "What? I'm a real dragon! I can breathe fire and all that jazz." Rocky rubs his head as he's getting on his nerves. "You're not even worthy of this thought! Now, go awaken the Great Stone Dragon, boy."

RVD then walks out of the entrance to the temple but pokes his head back in before going to go do his job. "So Great One, you'll get back to me on the job thing?" He asked and was greeted by getting hit in the face with his gong.

"Good job people." Psychobunny said. "Yeah that's easy for you to say," says RVD while holding a pack of ice to his reddened face from where he got hit with the gong. "Hey you get paid extra for getting hurt." She coaxed him. Jericho raises a brow. "I didn't think we're getting paid for this." Psychobunny then books out of the area as everyone stared at her for an answer.

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A/N: Yay another chapter done. Now my loyal subjects review. -smiles- 


	7. Mishap occurs

Disclaimer: HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!!

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Act Seven: Mishap occurs

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"Well you got your chance to be director again Christian." Jericho said. Seeing, as they couldn't find Psychobunny. Christian smirks and sits in the director's chair. All the others roll they're eyes seeing as they won't ever get to be nothing but stage workers or actors. "Ok people places and action." Captain Charisma shouts. 

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Visual effects take place once again to make RVD look small in his dragon costume. He is dragging his gong behind him over to a huge stone dragon statue. "Just one freaking chance. Is that too much to ask? I mean, it's not like it'll kill you." He muttered out loud then looked at the dragon statue. "Yo, Rocky, wake up!" He yelled. "You gotta go fetch Mulan! C'mon, boy! Go get her! Go on! C'mon!" He said to the dragon like it was a dog.

RVD then starts climbing up the statue bringing the gong with him. "Hello? Hellooooo? HELLO!" He practically yells into the statue's ear. He swings his hand with the gong, which causes it to hit the ear of the dragon and it falls off. "Oops, my bad." He said as the statue suddenly falls apart. "Uh-oh…" RVD falls into the ruble.

He then runs around the pile. "Uh… Stoney? Stoney… ok that's not funny and they're gonna kill me for this." The Rock then yelled out the door to the temple. "Great Stone Dragon! Have you awakened you lazy ass punk?"

RVD then appears off to the side of the door holding up the Great Stone Dragon's head. "Uh, yeah du-- er… I just woke up! Um, I'm the Great Stone Dragon! Good Morning, ancestors!" He starts wobbling around a bit. "I will go forth and fetch Mulan! Did-- did I mention that I'm the Great Stone Dragon dude?"

The Rock pinches the bridge of his nose, knowing that was Rob Van Dam when he first notices this. "Go, you stoner! The fate of the Fa family rests in your claws." He says waving his hand to signal him to go. "I am not a stoner!" RVD whines then goes on with his line before he was about to lose balance. "Don't even worry about it. I will not lose fate."

He then loses balance while trying to hold up the statue head, tumbles down the steps and the dragon head lands on top of him. Everyone offstage winces knowing that had to hurt. "Medic! Ow, ah, my elbow. Oh, I know I twisted something." He then lifts the head off and gets up limped over and sitting down on the bottom step to the temple. "That's not cool, now what? I'm doomed, and all because Ms. Man decided to take a little drag show on the road." He scoffed.

Due to the unfortunate accident of someone letting the real cricket escape and he got stepped on, Rhyno dressed in a poorly handcrafted version of a cricket costume will play Crickee now, as he hops up next to RVD on the step looking small like him. "This is the lamest part." He mutters. "Chirp." He says rather poorly, like he's not even trying.

"Eww, who made THAT costume should be shot, literally." RVD said contorting his face in disgust. "Hey at least you don't have to wear the damn thing." Rhyno retorted. "Just get on with it you two and besides that's all we could find," says Christian, getting impatient with this stalling.

RVD rolls his eyes. "Fine dude whatever you say. Go GET her! What's the matter with you? After this Great Stone Humptey Dumptey mess, I'd have to bring her back with a medal to get back in the Temple!" He then thinks about what he just said and smiled. "That's it! I'm a genius! To make Mulan a war hero with a medal, they'll be begging me to come back to work! That's the master plan to go by now!" He said with a huge smile and started running in the direction Lita went.

"Chirp," sighed, Rhyno hop/run along side of him. RVD looks at him while still running. "And what makes you think you're coming with me, dude?"

Rhyno just made another bad attempted at making a chirping noise. "You're LUCKY? Do I look like a sucker to you?" RVD said. "Most occasions yeah you do look like a sucker." Rhyno said with a chuckle. "Hey that's not cool," whined RVD. "Chirp," said Rhyno before Christian yelled at them.

"What do you mean, a loser? What if I pop one of your freakishly made antennae of and throw it across the yard, then who's the loser, you or me?" RVD says, threateningly. "Chirp, you." Rhyno said as RVD chases him out of the yard and down the road. "Come back here and I'll show you who the loser is." RVD shouted after him.

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The Hun army comes to a stop by a marsh. Undertaker looks over in a direction and motions for two of his men to look into it. They drag out two soldiers out of a tree and are thrown before Undertaker. "Imperial scouts." Viscera in formed the Undertaker. Jazz still looks tough even though she's suppose to act frightened. "Undertaker!" She says sounding surprised.

Undertaker smirks at the two. "Nice work gentleman and gentlewoman." He shrugs. "You've found the Hun army." Everyone in the Hun army laughs. "The Emperor will stop you." Spanky said in a determined tone.

"Stop me!" Undertaker does an eerie, evil laugh. "He invited me. By building his wall, he challenged my strength. Well, I'm here to play his game." He said a waved them to go away. "Go! Tell your Emperor to send his strongest armies so I can crush them as I'm ready for them." He added.

The two soldiers take off, one after the other. Undertaker smirks. "How many people does it take to deliver a message?" He asks his men while watching Jazz and Spanky run off into the distance. "One." Gangrel said, raising his bow and aiming an arrow. He then lets it go and 'killed' one of them from off in the distance.

"Cut!" Psychobunny said while walking back in the building where the set is. "It's good that you've practice for that scene Gangrel." "Where have you been?" Jericho asks with curiosity. "I've thought of a way to pay you guys but I'm not telling till the end of this parody though." She replied with a smile. Everyone looks at her like she is crazy.

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A/N: For shame if no one remembers who Spanky is. Also, I don't think anyone wants to knows what would have happened if Gangrel didn't practice. -shifty eyes- 


	8. A few steps to making friends

Disclaimer: WoOt! Starting a new year by updating my loved parody. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I love you guys!

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Act Eight: A few steps to making friends

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Psychobunny has taken her rightful place as director once again. Sheesh, she can't make up her mind can she… uh… I mean, oh never mind. Any who, Christian is kind of sulking seeing as he won't be director anymore just a lousy assistant. Everyone else is just wondering what she means about having to solve the paying problem. "Ok people let's take it from the top and action!" She yelled.

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The scene opens up to Lita dressed in her 'father's' armor and has her hair pulled back to make it look like she's a guy. Not such an easy task to hide those large breasts of hers but it was possible and don't ask how. That's the grand thing about the art of stage magic. Her horse, Khan, was walking beside her.

"Okay. Okay, how about this." She then makes her voice deep, "Excuse me, where do I sign in? Ah, I see you have a sword. I have one, too. They're very manly, and strong." She tries to pull the sword out of the sheath but ends up dropping it on the ground. Khan rolls on the ground with laughter and is hit by a shoe. Lita then walks over and puts her shoe back on.

"I'm working on it!" She says in her normal tone then sighs. "Oh, who am I fooling? It'd take a miracle to get me into the army." Suddenly, Lita saw a giant shadow of RVD as he was covered in smoke and surrounded by fire. "Did I hear someone ask for a miracle! Lemme hear ya say, "Aaah!" He said in booming voice.

"Aughhhhh!" Lita fell backward and screamed. "That's close enough, chick." He said with a shrug. "A ghost… man this girl is dumb." She said about her character.

"Get ready, Mulan, your seven halation deal is at hand, for I have been sent by your dead ancestors to guide you through your fancy ball!" RVD said then got smacked in the head by Psychobunny. "Ok, ok, sheesh. Through your masquerade!" He glanced down at Rhyno from behind the boulder where they are. Rhyno is making finger-shadows of a dragon's head and gets kicked by Rob, who then hands him a leaf for him to continue fanning the small fire. "C'mon, you're going to stay, you're gonna work with me."

Rhyno grumbles incoherently about not liking RVD and goes back to looking all high and mighty as he speaks to Lita. "So heed my words, cause if the army finds out that you're a chick, the penalty is death." Lita tries her best to look scared but it didn't seem like though. "Who are you?" She asks the shadow.

"Who am I? WHO am I? I am the guardian of lost souls!" RVD then starts walking out from behind the boulder. "I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible and loveable Mushu." He said with a smile. Lita stares at the tiny version of RVD in a dragon costume for a moment with a raised brow.

"Ah, I'm pretty hot, huh?" He said crossing his arms over his chest. Immediately Khan steps all over him but Lita quickly makes the horse stop. Rhyno is laughing his ass off over it. "That's going to leave a mark." RVD said, getting up and straightening his costume. Lita bends down and pokes him in the stomach. "My ancestors sent a little lizard to help me out?"

"Hey, dragon, dragon, not lizard." He folds his arms across his chest from being appalled by being called a lizard. "I don't do that tongue-thing." He said then flicks his tongue out just like a lizard would. "You're… um…" RVD then cut her off. "Intimidating? All inspiring? A hunk?" He asked. "A stoner is more like it." Rhyno muttered. "Tiny!" Lita manages to say from trying not to laugh from what Rhyno said.

"Of course! I'm travel-size, for your convenience. If I was my REAL size, your cow here would die of fright." He says and Khan tries to bite him but Lita stops him. "Down, Bessy. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor." Lita then covers her chest with one hand and bitch-slaps RVD with the other.

"Dang you can hit." He says while rubbing his face where he got smacked "Alright! That's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family!" He turns to Rhyno. "Make a note of this." He then takes out a leaf and small ink pen and starts' writing as RVD continues with his line. "Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow, dis--" Lita then cuts him off. "Stop it! I'm sorry ok. I'm just nervous. I've never done this kind of thing before."

RVD smiles at this. "Then you're going to have to trust me, dude. And don't you go slap me no more. You clear on that?" He asks and Lita nods in agreement. "Alright. Okey-dokey! Let's get this show on the road! Crickee, get the bags!" He then looks at the horse. "Let's move it heifer!" Then they all head out.

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At the Moo-Shung Camp entrance Lita and the others appear RVD is riding on Lita's back hiding in the armor. Tents are set-up and sprawled out everywhere. Also, recruits are walking around or in some tents. "Okay, this is it! Time to show your man-walk. Don't ask just do as I tell ya. Shoulders back, chest high, although I doubt they can get any higher." He mutters and receives a glare from Matt and Lita was tempted to smack him again. "Any way, feet apart, head up, and strut!"

Lita did as he told her to do and started walking. "This feels really stupid." Lita mutters. "Two three, break that bone, two, three and work it!" RVD said sounding like a drill sergeant. They then pass some men trimming their toenails and picking their nose. "Beautiful, isn't it." RVD said, acting to wipe a tear away from the sight.

Lita scrunches up her face in disgust. "They're fricken disgusting." "Dude, they're men… even though I don't act like that nor anyone else I know." He pondered, then continued. "And you're going to have to act just like them, so pay attention."

In a tent Dave Batista show off his dragon tattoo. "Hey why do I have to do this?" He asked Psychobunny. "You're the only one who actually has a dragon tattoo and besides you get to be in this movie twice." She said. "So, get back to the scene people before I send a rabid monkey after you." Jericho raises a brow. "I don't think I want to know how you acquired one of those."

"Look! This tattoo will protect me from harm!" Batista said, forcing himself to be happy about it. Nunzio with a fake black eye that's closed holds up a hand to his chin and ponder. "Hmmm…" After checking out the tattoo for a moment, he punches the recruit, which Dave acts like it really hurts and falls over.

Edge laughs at that. "I hope you can get your money back!" He says to Dave. Lita sighs when she noticed that. "I don't think I can do this…" She says but RVD speaks up. "It's all attitude! Be tough, like the leader of the FBI… err… this guy here." He said.

Lita stares at Nunzio and he spits. "What are you looking at?" He asks then acts like he's going to do something about it but Lita turns away though so he stops. "Punch him. It's how men say hello." RVD says cheerfully to Lita. She then punches him and he flies back and slams into Rikishi.

"Oh, Yao! You've made a friend!" Rikishi managed to say in a cheesy tone. "That sounded gay." Jericho said. "But not as gay as Rico would make it be."

Nunzio dusts himself off from that punch. "Good. Now slap him on the behind. They like that." RVD said with a chuckle. Lita then slaps Nunzio's rear, which causes him to jump and turn around. "Woo hoo… I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy." He said, cracking his knuckles. Suddenly, Rikishi picks up Nunzio before he could punch Lita.

"Yao, relax and chant with me." He says as the FBI leader growls in protest. "Nanuami tofu dah… I feel like a preacher or something now." Rikishi said with a sigh. "Nanuamitofudah." Nunzio repeated rather quickly.

Rikishi then let the little guy go. "Feel better?" He asked. "Ah, you ain't worth my time, chicken boy." Nunzio said while waving a hand at Lita and began walking away.

RVD then popped out from behind Lita shaking a fist at him. "Chicken boy!? Dude, say that to my face, you limp noodle!" He said while laughing at the insult. Nunzio looks furious as he grabs Lita and punches, she ducks and he punches Edge three times. "Oh, sorry Ling." Lita gets on her hands and knees and starts crawling away. "Hey!" He reaches down to try and stops her but Edge kicks him into Rikishi, who doesn't fall over, Edge then attacks with a flying kick. They start fighting with Rikishi swiping to get them off. "This is not right." Rikishi said as Lita scrambles away.

Edge then looks off to the side to see Lita running for it. "Hey! There it goes!" He shouted. "It?" Jericho asks with a raised brow. "Hey she doesn't look like a guy to me while in costume." Edge states. "Oh well let's just finish up with this scene." Psychobunny says without a care what he says for a line now.

They chase Lita through a tent, which veers off to the side and the Gang of Three stops abruptly at the end of the food line. Rikishi knocks everyone over, like dominoes, and finally the pot overturns spilling the rice all over the place. Everyone gets up and advances on Lita. "Hey, guys…" She says, meekly with a slight wave.

"That's a rap for today folks." Christian says before Psychobunny could call it done. She glares at him. "Don't do that again or I'll have to sic my purple monkeys after you." Everyone stared wide-eyed at her like she was truly insane.

"O…k." Jericho said. "I think you need to go to the loony bin now." Suddenly, out of nowhere a giant purple monkey appeared, grabbed Jericho and took off with a screaming Jericho. Psychobunny cackled evilly at the sight while a few crewmembers went to go help save Jericho.

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A/N: Poor Jericho. -grins- It's good to be evil. Plus, random, which I'm sure it will get more crazy up until the end.  



	9. Too much sugar causes fun

Discalimer: Yup I still own nothing but the idea.

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Act Nine: Too much sugar causes fun

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Jericho is still missing with some backstage workers that weren't really important to the making of the movie. Christian seems warily of Psychobunny from the whole 'giant purple monkey' incident now. Kurt walks over and taps the director on the shoulder. "Can we start?" He asked. "Ok." She says with a creepy smile. "ACTION!" 

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Inside the Captain's Tent, which is located in the camp area thingie where all the recruits are. General Bischoff, Kidman and Randy are all hovering around a map. "The Huns have struck here, here and here." He says while smacking the named off areas with the thing you smack a horse with. I'm too lazy to look up what it is called. He smirks, then starts hitting Randy and Billy with it.

"Hey! Ouch! Stop it!" They both cried, trying to get away from him. "This is fun!" Bischoff says with an evil laugh. Psychobunny then walks over and smacks Eric with Fishy the stuffed fish. "Get on with you're line." She said then went and sat down.

"Ok, sheesh, I will take the main troops up to the Tung Chow Pass and stop Shan Yu before he destroys this village." Bischoff went on with his line and pointed the smacker at the village he was just mentioning about. Billy nodded. "Excellent strategy, sir! I do love them surprises." He said with an upbeat attitude. Even though, he was just beat by Eric.

"You will stay behind and train the new recruits. When Chi Fu believes you're ready, you will join us…" Bischoff said to Randy and grimace saying the last part. "Captain." Randy looked surprised. "Captain? Hell yeah!"

Billy is wide-eyed at the thought. "You just boosted his ego. Plus, this is an enormous responsibility, General! Perhaps a soldier with more experience?" Bischoff glares at Kidman. "He's number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques… an impressive military lineage… I believe Lee Shang will do an excellent job." He said, naming off important qualities that makes him Captain.

"Oh I will! I won't let you down unlike somebody…" Randy says, while looking in Triple H's direction. "I'll get you Orton." He said keeping out of the way of the psychotic director. "I'd like to see you try. This is… I mean… Yes sir." Randy said getting back on task now.

Eric tries to look pleased but manages to have a creepier smile than Psychobunny. "Very good, then. We'll toast China's victory at the Imperial City. I'll expect a full report in three weeks, which by that time I'll be dead but hey who cares about General Manager Eric Bischoff though." He said with the last part sounding sarcastic a bit.

Kidman stands straight up and taps his clipboard with the ink pen. "And believe me, I won't leave anything out." He says with determination. Jeez, he's pretty determined right now, which makes me wonder if he got turned on by that beating? "Captain Lee Shang. Leader of China's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time and the greatest wrestler too." Randy said, testing it out as they walk outside. Everyone groans when he mentioned the 'greatest wrestler' part.

Billy sighed and looked disgusted with him. "Most impressive." He mutters. Bischoff climbs up onto his horse. "Good luck, Captain!" He said then rode off followed by two lines of soldiers on horses. In the distance Eric gets randomly thrown off his horse. Good time to point and laugh at him, which Billy is doing. "Good luck." Randy says, not going to call him father.

Him and Billy look around at all the fighting recruits. Kidman smirks. "Day one." He said, keeping track of what's happening. Being a good little stool pigeon that he is. "Soldiers!" Randy shouts, causing them to separate and reveal a cowering Lita.

All the soldiers point at Lita. "HE started it!" Lita then gets up as Randy walks over to her followed by Kidman. "I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp." He said in a stern voice. "Sorry…" She then deepens her voice. "I mean, sorry you had to see that. But you know what it is when you get those manly urges… You just gotta KILL something." She says, while hitting her hand with a fist then rubs it like it hurt. "Fix things… cook outdoors…" She says a little quietly.

"What's your name?" Randy asked with his charming smile. "Lose the smile." Christian says from offstage. Randy then looks serious again. "Kill joy." He mutters. "Uh… um… uh…" Lita stammers, trying to figure out a name other than her own.

Billy then gets up all in her face. "Punk tell us your name… err… I mean your commanding officer just asked you a question!" Lita and Randy back away from him. "You're scary when you have too much sugar." Randy said. "I know." Kidman says while hanging his head. "Sometimes I scare myself."

"Yeah that's nice." Lita said while rolling her eyes. "I've got a name… and it's a boy's name, too." She continued with the scene. RVD then pops his head up from an idea. "Ling! How 'about Ling?" He suggests. Lita motions her head to a beat up, staggering Edge. "HIS name is Ling." She says to RVD.

Obviously, Randy overhears that. "I didn't ask for HIS name, I asked for yours!" He barked, not literally of course. RVD looks panicked. "Uh… Ah-chu!" "Ah-chu!" Lita repeats. "AH-CHU?!" Randy asked, getting annoyed by now.

"Gesuintit! Hee hee… I kill myself." RVD said while laughing and wiping his eyes with the back of her shirt. "Also, I'd like to add that wasn't really funny." Lita glances over her shoulder to where he would be. "Mushu…" She hissed.

"MUSHU?" Randy asks, hoping it's the name now. "No." Lita replies. "Then WHAT is it?!" Randy asked, throwing his arms up into the air.

RVD then sits up as an idea struck him like lightening. "Ping! Ping was my best friend growing up." He said with a smile. "It's Ping." She said with a nod. He raises a brow. "Ping… wow for some odd reason that reminds me of Ping-Pong."

RVD then thought of something. "'Course, Ping did steal my girlfriend. That punk ass jive turkey." He said, really taking it seriously. Lita then reached behind and clamped a hand over his mouth. Y'all should remember the movie magic that makes him and Rhyno tiny. If anyone's wondering yes it does work all parts of the body. So, you can point and laugh now at the misfortunate souls. "Yes, my name is Ping." She said with a nod.

Randy holds out his hand. "Let me see your conscription notice." Lita hands the scroll over to him and he reads it. "Fa Zhou? THE Fa Zhou?" He says not believing it. Kidman narrows his eyes at Lita trying to see the connection. "I don't see it… err… I didn't know Fa Zhou had a son."

"Err, he doesn't talk about me much." She said with a deep voice then tries to spit but fails. "I can see why. The boy's an absolute lunatic!" Billy says with a smirk and all the soldiers laugh.

Randy glanced over at everyone with a smile, loving the power he has. "Okay, gentlemen, thanks to your new friend Ping, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. Tomorrow, the real work begins." He said with a smirk and walked away back to his tent. Kidman left as well to his own tent most likely. Everyone moans and grumbles except for Lita. "You know dude, we really have to work on your people skills." RVD states.

"Ok that's good people." Psychobunny says just as cheers can be heard. "What the hell?" She turns and sees Big Show pulling a cage with the giant purple monkey in it. "Jericho, are you ok?" Kurt asked. "The. Monkey. Never. EVIL!" Chris said in a broken sentence that made no sense. Trish and Molly helped the shaking Jericho over to a dressing room to calm him down and to get him away from the purple monkey.

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A/N: Ok yeah I can't explain this randomness. I swear I must have been on something to make Billy act that way. But I wasn't so I have no idea how that came along. -laughs-  



	10. Randy sings, Kurt has fun and God appear...

Disclaimer: I love you guys, that review, so much. -smiles and hands out candy to everyone-

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Act Ten: Randy sings, Kurt has fun and God appears?

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"I think you broke Jericho." Trish proclaimed as she came out of the room and walked over to the director. "My dear child, why do you suspect such a thing?" Psychobunny said, decked out looking like a granny. Trish started backing away slowly. "Now I think you need mental help." "I do not and what seems to be the problem with Jericho?" She asks with a sweet, innocent smile that's actually kind of creepy. 

"EVIL PURPLE MONKEY!" Jericho yells suddenly from the room he's in. Kurt walks over with his tranquilizer gun that he used on Big Show in hand. "Well it's time to put him to sleep?" He seemingly asked Trish more so than Psychobunny. "Yeah and I think-" She's cut off by Psychobunny. "It's time for your medicine." The director says while getting up at a granny's pace. She then goes down with a dart sticking out of her neck.

"Good job Angle." Christian says while patting him on the back. "I don't know…" He then falls down with a dart sticking out of his arm. "Why did you do that?" Trish asked with a raised brow. "He was getting annoying." He said with a shrug then went to go deal with Jericho. "Good point." She then looked around. "So, who's going to direct this movie now?"

"I will." Vince McMahon spoke up. "Can't argue with the boss." Trish said then went to see how Jericho is. Vince straightened his jacket out and sat down in the director's chair with a smug look. "Ok people, action."

--------

Inside Lita's tent outside the camp area. RVD's costume now looks like it sure has seen better days and that he's wearing a cooking apron as well. He picks up Rhyno, which his costume is just crap and of course with movie magic he can be hand held, also, he was sleeping in one of Lita's socks just because he can. And uses him for an alarm clock by twisting the horrible wings. "This is seriously abuse towards crickets." Rhyno scoffs.

"All right, rise and shine Sleeping Beauty! C'mon, hup, hup, hup!" RVD said trying to get Lita up but she pulls the blanket over her. RVD then pulls the blanket off causing Lita to scrunch up into a little ball and groan from the sunlight.

"Get your clothes on and get ready! Got breakfast ready." He says while getting on Lita's knee when she sits up with a bowl in hand. "Look, you get porridge! And it's happy to see you!" He says with vast cheeriness. The porridge has two cooked eggs for eyes and a strip of bacon for the mouth. Rhyno then suddenly pops up and create the nose. "Kudos to you, RVD. This stuff is good." Rhyno says after eating a little of it.

"Thanks dude." He said before using the chopsticks to fish him out. "Now get out of there! You're going to make people sick!" "Am I late?" Lita asked while stretching. "Oh god you better not be." Matt yelled from offstage seemingly near having a heart attack. Lita palmed her face. "Not that kind of late Matt." She groaned and gave her boyfriend some relief. "Thank God." He said while looking up at the skies… err… roof above.

"Matt don't interrupt again and Lita and RVD get back on with the scene." McMahon said in a powerful voice. **I'm the only powerful voice here.** "Who said that?" RVD asked quickly while looking around. "God is that you?" Christian said in a tranquilizer state of weariness. **Yes, it is I, God.** Everyone seems skeptical about it. Wouldn't you be too if a booming voice came out of nowhere? "Bloody hell? I didn't think you existed." Regal proclaimed. **Well I do exist.**

"Can we please move on with this movie?" Rhyno whined wanting to get out of the horrible costume he was stuffed in. **You can move on but no more powerful voicing McMahon. It's not wise to get God angry.** Vince grumbles, as he can't use his all-powerful voice now.

Back to the scene at hand, RVD starts stuffing porridge into Lita's mouth. "No time to talk. Now, remember, it's your first day of school… err… training, so listen to your teacher dude and no fighting, play nice with the other kids, unless, of course the other kids want to fight, then you gotta kick the other kid's butt." He says with a motherly tone… creepy.

"But I don't want to kick the other kid's butts." Lita said, attempting to talk with a mouthful and ends up spitting some porridge everywhere and on RVD. "Don't talk with your mouth full it's disgusting. Now let me see your war face." He said while wiping off the porridge. Lita just stares at him with her mouth full of porridge.

"Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover." RVD said but was cut off. **You have bunny slippers?** RVD nodded and pulled them out from behind his back. How'd they got there nobody knows. They were cute, fluffy pink bunny slippers. He then hugs them and puts them away. "Well that proves even tough men can like cute, fluffy things." Jeff said from offstage. "You're one to talk." Matt said.

"You can get on with it." Vince said without the powerful voice. "C'mon, really scare me, girl!" RVD said. Lita swallowed the porridge and gave a mean warrior type face at him. "Rrraaaarrgggghhhh!" She growled, making RVD fall off of her.

"That's my tough looking warrior! That's what I'm talking about! Now, get out there and make me proud!" He said with a proud determination in his voice. Khan then appears at the entrance to the tent, neighing frantically. For some odd reason RVD can understand what the horse is saying. Must be another reason to why he's so cool?

"What do you mean, the troops just left?" He asked with a raised brow. "That's so not cool." Lita realizes what's going on. "They WHAT?" She yelled then ran out of the tent somehow fully dressed now. RVD rushes out after her with her sword… well technically Matt's sword but it's hers for now with Rhyno following. "Wait dude, you forgot your sword!" He then sniffs and wipes a fake tears away. "My little baby, off to destroy people…" "You're really pathetic." Rhyno said then punched RVD in the arm. "Ow, now I'm hurt." He then sulked off.

Inside the camp everyone is lined up… well sort of and talking. "Order! People, order!" Billy says while walking in front of them with a peeved look. "I'd like a pan-fried noodle!" One of the unimportant people shouts. "Sweet and pungent shrimp." Rikishi says and everyone laughs except for Kidman. "That's not funny." He said with a sniffle. **Looks like someone has some emotional problems.** "I do not!" Kidman yells.

Edge then notices Lita walking in. "Looks like our new friend slept in this morning." He mentions to Nunzio. "Why, hello, Ping. Are ya hungry?" He asks with a smirk while wrapping an arm around her. "Yeah, cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich." Nunzio said with a smile and shoved a fist in front of Lita's face.

Randy walked out of his tent. "Soldiers!" He yelled and everyone lined up in a nice straight line. He smirked at this and Kidman thinks he's gone power hungry. "You will assemble swiftly and silently, every morning. Damn that brings back memories." He said, wanting his past memories of the military to be gone. "Anyone who doesn't otherwise, will answer to me."

Randy then takes off his shirt showing off his total package of a body. **Seems like you don't miss a day in the gym.** "Ok that's just creepy." He says as Lita stares at him like it says in the script. He grabs a bow and quiver and walks by the line of people. "Ooh, tough guy," mutters Nunzio, giving him the evil eye as he walks past him.

"Yao." Randy turns around with bow in hand, takes an arrow out and aims it at Nunzio. **Run, Nunzio, Run!** He gulps and Randy then aims at the top of a high pole in the middle of the camp, which he lets it, fly and makes it to the destination. "Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow."

"Hey I didn't even get a choice to volunteer." The FBI leader grumbled. "So, just get on with it." Vince said with an annoyed tone. "Fine, I'll get that arrow, pretty boy, and I'll do it with my shirt on." He says while cracking his knuckles. He then goes to the pole and prepares to climb up.

"One moment, you seem to be missing something." Randy said as Billy walked over with a box. Nunzio raised a brow. He pulls out two weights attached by ribbons of some sort. He tied one to Nunzio's wrist and held it up. "This represents discipline." He said and dropped his wrist. "And this represents strength." He said, holding up the other wrist with the weight tied to it. Before he dropped Nunzio's other wrist, he gave a shocked look like 'don't let go' and fell to the ground. "You need both to reach the arrow." Randy finished.

Nunzio grumbles as he gets up and looks at the arrow. He starts climbing but starts slipping and falls on the ground hard. Next, it was Edge's turn to try and climb up with the weights attached to his wrists. Somehow he manages to fall off the pole upside down. Now you know that had to hurt. Plus, the fact on how that can be possible is simply mind-boggling. Rikishi went next and simply fell causing the pole to somehow jump into the air and land perfectly in the same spot.

Lita just simply fell back down like normal. She went back in line while rubbing her sore arse and Randy looked like going on a rampage from all the failures. "We've got a long way to go." He sighed. **You sure can say that again.** He then grabbed a bunch of wooden staffs and threw them at them. Everyone manages to catch one except for Lita because Nunzio caught it for her. Of course, him and Edge found it fun to pick on her now. Lita glared at him and he tripped her with the staff. Then threw it on the ground next to her trying to look innocent… yeah right since when does he look innocent?

**_Let's get down to business_**

Randy threw two clay pots up in the air with his staff. Then did a flip-turn with his staff.

**_To defeat _**

He smashed each pot with his staff as they came down. Then landed in a lunge with his staff pointing at them.

_**The Huns**_

Everyone held their staffs out in front of them.

_**Did they send me daughters**_

Edge dropped a beetle down Lita's shirt with a grin and she jumped around knocking everyone else down with her staff.

_**When I asked for sons**_

Randy pole-vaulted off his staff and flipped over all the unimportant soldiers. Thus, causes all the rabid fan girls to whip out their cameras and take a few seconds of glorious pictures. He landed next to Lita.

**_You're the saddest bunch_**

_**I ever met, but you can bet**_

Lita's still trying to get the bug out of her shirt and while doing so accidentally socks Randy in the stomach with the end of the staff. The fan girls' hiss at Lita and the backstage workers barricade the doors so they can't get in. Seeing as they all managed to shove the fan girls outside. "Man, I feel loved." Randy says with a smile. "Back to the scene and singing part." Vince glared.

_**Before we're through**_

Randy grabs the staff from Lita with a glare.

_**Mister, I'll make a man out of you**_

Scene switch to a training part of the camp possible out in the woods near a tree with rings drawn on it. Randy launched three pomegranates up in the air by a board, shot an arrow through each of them and sank them all straight into the three rings on the tree. **That's incredible! Amazing even!** Randy bows with a smirk as God said that.

_**Tranquil as a forest**_

Everyone else just failed miserably at trying to shoot arrows through the pomegranates, much less at the tree. Such sad sight, which would make anyone, cry. Lita was about to shoot hers when RVD grabbed the arrow from her, stuck it through a pomegranate, gave it back to her and disappeared into her quiver.

_**But on fire within**_

Randy glared at Lita, who tried to pull off a cute smile.

**_Once you find your center_**

Now another area where training still continues, a few random soldier people threw rocks at Randy, who blocked them with ease without spilling a single drop from the bucket of water that's balanced on his head. God sure must love him to make that possible. **Sure do, seeing as he's a perfect champ.** The author is freaked out now. Seeing as no one is suppose to hear the narration!

_**You are sure to win**_

Lita, on the other hand, seemed to having way more difficulties than Randy. Both, Nunzio and Edge grinned as they tossed their fist-sized rocks, while Rikishi stared at his tiny pebble. Boy, did Rikishi get gypped.

_**You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot**_

Edge and Nunzio threw their rocks at Lita as hard as they could. Big meanies! Lita ducked, spilling the water all over her and caused the bucket to fall on her head, which covered her eyes. She swung randomly and sent one flying back at Rikishi, who just looked amused from getting hit with a rock.

_**And you can bet before we're through**_

_**Mister, I'll**_

Randy stood in a stream. He expertly grabbed a fish out of the stream with ease.

_**Make a man **_

Lita and Nunzio tried. But Lita accidentally grabbed Nunzio's foot instead. She put it back in the water with an 'oops' look.

**_Out of you._**

Nunzio and Rikishi ran through a path of flaming arrows.

**_I'm never gonna catch my breath_**, Rikishi sang.

**_Say good-bye to those who knew me_**, Nunzio sang. He tripped and fell causing a flaming arrow to stick him in the rear. Well so much for sitting down for awhile.

**_Boy I was a fool in school for cutting gym_**, Edge sang. He tried to break through a foot-thick block of cement with his face. As for messing up his pretty boy looks he also lost about five teeth in the process.

Randy and Lita were practicing hand-to-hand combat. After a few moves, Randy punched her in the face, sending her tumbling backward into a tree, where RVD squeezed water over her face with a wash cloth.

**_This guy's got 'em scared to death_**, RVD sang. Although, Undertaker or Triple H could do a better job than Orton could.

**_I hope he doesn't see right through me_**, Lita sang.

Rikishi jumped across a few poles over a river, then stopped. Causing everyone behind him to stop as well.

**_Now I really wish that I knew how to swim_**, Rikishi sang. "Man this guy is stupid for not knowing that fat floats compared to muscle." He stated.

_**(Be a man)**_

_**We must be swift as a coursing river**_

The unimportant soldiers tried to aim cannons at the Scarecrow Undertaker and failed miserably. The key is to aim, which I doubt anyone knew how to do.

_**(Be a man)**_

_**With all the force of a great typhoon**_

_**(Be a man)**_

Whistling innocently, which I doubt he knows how to do, Edge knocks over the sticks holding up Lita's cannon. She grabbed it but it went off sending the cannon backwards. It covered her face in soot.

**_With all the strength of a raging fire_**

The destination of the cannon was at Kidman's tent. The whole thing went up in flames, including the back of Kidman's robes as he was walking out. Showing off his Barney boxers, which he was trying to hide as everyone was laughing at him.

**_Mysterious as the dark side of the moon_**

Randy sat up on a hill at night while glancing at the arrow on the pole and sighed.

**_Time is racing t'ward us_**

Everyone was struggling up a mountain path carrying bamboo sticks with heavy bags tied to the ends. Except for Randy and Rikishi, they were doing fine seeing as Randy can't sit around and do nothing to get a body like that and Rikishi is a big guy that can carry heavy things with ease. Billy got the easy job by riding on the stunt horse, Doug and Danny. Seeing as the original horse still hates him. "This sucks." Danny said. "I know but let's have some fun afterwards." Doug said with a hidden smirk from the costume. "Hey no contemplating." Billy whined. **That's easy for you to say.** He then points back at Lita after getting Randy's attention.

**_Till the Huns arrive_**

Soon Lita fell over; RVD tried to help her up but couldn't from the size difference. Randy came over and carried her bamboo stick with the heavy bags for her, looking really po'd.

_**Heed my every order**_

_**And you might survive**_

It's now night, when Lita's apparently just finished training. Randy walks over to her leading Khan.

_**You're unsuited for the rage of war**_

_**So pack up, go home, you're through**_

Lita raised a brow at Randy as he was singing to her instead of speaking. Yeah that would make a person seem loony. She took Khan's reins and walked away dejectedly. "Some days it doesn't pay to be mean." Randy said with a sigh, feeling bad. Then she passes right underneath the shadow of the arrow in the pole. I bet if the pole could talk it would be raving in pain about how it wants that fricken arrow out.

**_How could I make a man out of you?_**

Lita tied the weights to her wrists, tried climbing up the pole and fell right off. She wanted to show them that she's the best and that she should stay. Then an idea struck her; she looked at the weights again with a smile.

_**(Be a man)**_

_**We must be swift as a coursing river**_

She threw the weights around the pole so that the ribbons wrapped around each other and started walking up the pole.

_**(Be a man)**_

_**With all the force of a great typhoon**_

The next morning, all the soldiers came out of their tents to see Lita climbing up that pole with determination.

_**(Be a man)**_

_**With all the strength of a raging fire**_

Randy came out of the tent and was surprised as the arrow hit the ground in front of him. Everyone was cheering. Lita sat up on the pole with the weights slung over her shoulder with a big grin.

_**Mysterious as the dark side of the moon**_

_**(Be a man)**_

Scene switch to all the arrows with pomegranates stuck through them land bulls-eye on each target. Then to the soldiers running up the hill with the bamboo sticks and bags, Lita in the lead. Impressing Randy with the quick change from wimp to being strong.

_**We must be swift as a coursing river**_

Lita and Randy are fighting hand-to-hand again and this time Lita kicked him in the chin, knocking him over.

_**(Be a man)**_

**_With all the force of a great typhoon_**

Scene switch to the poles over the river or in, I'm not sure anymore. Rikishi is actually doing somersaults onto each of them without falling off.

_**(Be a man)**_

**_With all the strength_**

Randy threw everyone wooden staffs again and Nunzio caught Lita's. But instead of tripping her he handed it to her.

**_Of a raging fire_**

Scene cut to Nunzio running straight through a path of flaming arrows without tripping this time. Damn, I wanted to see his rear on fire again.

**_Mysterious as_**

Now we show Edge cutting straight through a foot-thick block of concrete with his head. Might add that he somehow regained his lost teeth, which he lost from the previous attempt.

**_The dark side of_**

Scene cut to a cannon blowing the Scarecrow Undertaker up. Then to Lita pulling a whopping five fish out of a stream at the same time.

_**The moon!**_

The scene ended with all the soldiers jumping in the air and kicking out with one leg and the staff, the other leg bent underneath them.

"I'm not doing that again!" Edge proclaimed, not wanting to do the head-smashing-into-concrete-block trick ever again. _CRASH! _"What the hell?" Vince asked in wonder. Christian and Psychobunny stir but still under the effect of the tranquilizer. Big Show runs up to Vince. "We have a big problem?" "Bischoff wants to take over the WWE?" McMahon asked with a raised brow. He was never going to let that happen.

Kurt then walked up to them wearing a hunter outfit i.e. Elmer Fudd with the tranquilizer gun in hand. "Time to go huntin'." Vince looked at him strange along with Big Show. "Huntin' for a huge purple monkey." He said and left to go find it. Suddenly, he turned around and shot Vince in the butt with a tranquilizer dart then left to find the monkey. "Ow." He yelped pulling the dart out then slumped to the floor, going unconscious to sleep. That's some powerful darts he has.

"The monkey escaped? How is that possible?" Trish questioned. **Well someone over looked the cage to see that some bars were rusted. The monkey took notice halfway through the scene and now finally broke free.** "I swear it wasn't me." Rosey said, holding up his hands in defense. "How's Jericho?" Victoria asked anyone. ""He's pretty much out like these three." Molly says while motioning to the assistant director, director and Vince McMahon. "Good he will never know it was loose." She said with a smile.

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A/N: LMAO! I had so much fun with this chapter. -smirks evilly- This is going to be the longest chapter of this parody too. So, don't expect another huge chapter like this. Also, to point of if anyone got confused is that the bold and underlined words are spoken by God and the bold and italic words are the lyrics.  



	11. Never go swimming with crazy people

Disclaimer: Love y'all who review very much. -smiles and hands out lots of candy to everyone-

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Chapter Eleven: Never go swimming with crazy people

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Psychobunny groaned as she sat down in her chair in her normal clothes again. "I hate Angle for what he did. Also, I wonder if he found the monkey yet?" She pondered out loud. The Basham brothers sneaked past the workers who were fixing the giant hole in the wall. Fully knowing that they become suspicious to everyone reading. Yes, I had to point that out to everyone. 

Jericho was still in the locker room with someone occasionally checking up on him. Christian felt like he had a hang over, which I don't know if it's possible from just a tranquilizer dart. Kurt wasn't back yet meaning the huge purple monkey was still on the loose. Big Show and a few other non-cast members of the rosters were helping fix up the stupid cage. **Maybe you should start the scene?** "By George that's an excellent idea!" Psychobunny yelled. **God knows all excellent ideas.** "Yeah, yeah, ok people action!"

-------

Well we start out with Undertaker sitting high up in a tree with the mountains in the background where he's looking at. He randomly decides to use his sword to cut off the top of a tree. Cruelty to trees! Oh also seeing as someone sold the original hawk possibly for… something. Heidenreich comes swooping in with a harness set-up. Seeing as someone was too cheap to use movie magic on him. He's his normal size unlike Rhyno and RVD. Also, he's wearing what resembles a turkey costume but more really it's a hawk getup.

He has the doll in his hand but Chavo and Cena were having trouble holding him steady from offstage with the harness. "Watch out!" Heidenreich called out but it was too late. He crashed right into Undertaker and both of them fell to the ground. Seeing as Chavo and John couldn't hold him up from him swinging around so much. Undertaker on the bottom and Heidenreich on top, which would have called Jericho to say something but in his current condition he's unable to do so.

"Get off!" Undertaker boasted and throws Heidenreich off. He picks up the doll and gets up. "What do you see?" He said as he tossed it to Viscera. Heidenreich just stands there next to Undertaker seeing as there was no way for him to perch on his shoulder. "Black pine… from the high mountains." Viscera states. Billy Gunn took the doll from him then X-Pac takes it from him.

Billy Gunn holds up a white piece of hair he took off the doll. "Looks like Mae Young's hair." He said and received weird looks from everyone. **I don't think anyone wants to know what you're thinking about.** "That's too much info we don't want to know about." Christian yells in panic. Psychobunny sighs. "Just say your line so we can stop thinking disturbing thoughts you put there."

"Sorry!" Billy said then shuddered from rethinking what he said. "White horse hair… Imperial stallions." He said, reexamining the white horse hair. X-Pac sniffs the doll… DOLL SNIFFER! I think he's an addict… "Sulfur… from cannons." He states.

Undertaker takes the doll from X-Pac. "This doll came from a village in the Tung Show Pass, where the Imperial Army is waiting." He says with an evil grin. "We can avoid them easily." Gangrel spoke up. "No." Undertaker hissed. "The quickest way to the emperor is through that pass. Besides, the little girl will be missing her doll." He then looks at Heidenreich, who's playing with the doll, with an odd look.

"We should…" He gets cut off. "Of course, we can have a tea party Mrs. Calloway." Heidenreich said to the doll like it talked to him. "Give me that." Undertaker snatches the doll away from him. "Now as I was saying. We should return it to her." Heidenreich sniffles but quickly gets over it by socking the Undertaker in the jaw and running away with the doll in hand. **After him!** "Yeah what he said. We don't need him to leave with a much needed prop for later." Psychobunny said. Of course, Big Show took the task to catch the crazy lunatic. Seeing as Kurt would have done it but he's gone.

At a lake near the Moo Shung Camp at night, Lita prepares to bathe. "Hey this is not, I repeat not a good idea. What if someone sees you?" RVD says all worried like. "Matt don't even say anything. Not one word." Psychobunny threatened. Matt grumbled and kept his mouth shut. **We all know what he'll be thinking during this scene.** "Shut up!" Matt yelled.

"Ok just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one. Despite that I already wrestle but that's a different point." She said, taking off her clothes and putting them on a nearby tree branch. Time to mention a thick bush was hiding her very well. So the guys can't see anything but her arms, neck and head. "So a couple of guys don't rinse out their socks." RVD said like it was no big deal. "Myself, I kinda like that corn-chip smell. Actually, no I don't I just like the actual food product. Ya know Fritos." He added, covering his eyes with a hand.

"Yeah sure Rob." Lita says while running and jumping into the lake. She's enjoying the relaxation from the training. "Okay, alright, dude that's enough, now c'mon, get out before you get all pruney and stuff." RVD says while walking over to the shoreline with a towel. **I can somehow imagine Jason popping up out of the water here.** "Oh great freak me out why don't'cha?" RVD said.

"Mushu, if you're so worried, go stand watch and I don't mean for anyone dressed like Jason either." Lita said before going under the water for a brief moment. "Oh that's reassuring." He said while rolling his eyes. "Stand watch, Mushu, while I blow our secret with my stupid girly habits." He said, shaking his hips like a girl would and saying it in a falsetto.

Suddenly, as he said that three men flash by while laughing. RVD's eyes shot wide open. "'We're DOOMED! There's a couple of things I KNOW they're bound to notice!" He said in a state of panic. Lita ducks in the water as Edge, Nunzio and Rikishi jump into the water. She tries to hide herself with a lily pad as she moves behind a rock to hide.

Being a great FBI leader, Nunzio spots Lita. "Hey, Ping!" He calls out. Lita puts down the lily pad and smoothes it out on top of the water out of being nervous. "Oh, hi, guys, I didn't know you were here. Even though, that's a bid under statement. I was just washing so now I'm clean and I'm gonna go. Bye." She said in a deep voice to keep her identity a secret. She ducks behind the rock. "Whoa!" The Rock said, moving from his spot. "All the Rock wanted to do was swim and rest without you jabronies around." He said moving away from Lita and the inanimate rock.

Everyone has the 'wtf?' look on their faces seeing as none of them knew The Rock was there. He got out of the lake wearing swim trunks as he was telling the truth about swimming. They're black with white letters along the sides that says 'Brahma Bull' on them. Matt walked up to The Great One and started beating him with his cane. "Hey whoa I didn't see anything." He said then got whacked on the head. "Ok that's it." He tackled Matt and started wailing on him.

**Ok if this keeps going on it's bound to end up looking bad.** Ray, Eddie and a couple other guys ran over and split them apart. "You guys deal with them." Psychobunny then turned her attention to the people in the lake. "You guys get back on with the scene." "Well the free time was fun while it lasted." Edge said with a sigh. He swam over to Lita. "Come back here! I know we were jerks to you before, so let's start over." Edge said and pulled an innocent smile and shook hands with her. "I'm Ling."

Lita yanked her hand away and smacked against Rikishi, who's standing behind her. "And I'm Chien-Po." He says with a calm presence for someone who just got smacked. "Hi, Chien-Po." Lita says with a slight wave. "And I am Yao, King of this inanimate Rock!" Nunzio shouts, as he's standing on top of the inanimate rock in his glorious birthday suit. Lita turns away and covering her vision from the sight with a hand. "And there's nothing you girls can do about it." Nunzio said with a smug look.

Edge growled at him and took a fighting pose. "Oh yeah? Well I think Ping and I can take you!" He said with narrowed eyes from being called a girl. **Ha ha, Edge doesn't like being called a _girl_. Well he does have the long hair.** "Shut up!" Edge yelled. "You do know you're talking back to God, right?" Rikishi asked him. "Yeah, so?" He said, not caring.

"I don't want to take him anywhere." Lita said, keeping on track. "But, but we have to fight Ping!" Edge said making a big issue out of it. "No we don't. We can just swim around with our eyes close." She suggested with a cute let's-do-it smile.

Edge face faults. "Aww, c'mon! Don't be such a… Ow! Something bit me!" He said and jumped. Then looked around to see what the heck bit him. RVD comes up out from underneath the water. "That's a nasty flavor. I'm _never_ going to do that again." He complained while spitting. Edge sees RVD and can't help but laugh instead of freaking out. It must be the size issue that seems so funny.

"Oh sure make fun of the cool guy." RVD scoffs. Edge then clears his throat. "Sorry… Snake!" He yells and him, Nunzio and Rikishi all start freaking out. Such pansies for being afraid of a snake or in this case RVD in a dragon costume. Lita goes to the shore and whistles for Khan then sneaks away with him as a shield to hide her feminine body from everyone. All three of the guys are huddled on the inanimate rock in the distance. "Some King of this inanimate Rock." Edge says then gets shoved off by Nunzio into the water.

"Boy, that was really close." Lita said as she wrapped the blanket from Khan around her. RVD walked by with a tube of toothpaste and a toothbrush in hand. "No, that was very uncool and vile." He then squeezes half the toothpaste into his mouth and starts brushing violently. "You owe me big!" He said, shaking the toothbrush at her and spitting out the foam.

Lita rings out her hair and throws her head back. "I never want to see a naked man again… that's not Matt anyways." She said and if on cue a heard of naked men flash by. She gets this shocked look on her face that like the whole RAW locker room of guys streaked by. "Don't look at me, I'm so not biting anymore butts." RVD stated.

Now in Billy Kidman's tent, him and Randy are talking. "You think your troops are ready to fight? Ha that's a laugh! They wouldn't last a minute against the Huns!" Kidman stated. "But they completed their training." Randy stated with a glare. RVD and Rhyno were walking by talking about something completely random. "And that's how my Aunt Mable got awarded the most hairiest woman alive. Even though it wasn't true that she was that hairy." Rhyno finished while RVD just nodded like he was paying attention. RVD shushed him and went to the side of the tent after noticing two shadow figures.

Kidman taps his board knowing he's got proof that he wrote down to back up his statement. "I got proof and you don't so ha! Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain." He said. Randy glared at him for saying that. "Once the general reads my report, your troops will never see battle." He finished up. "Yeah well I'm already dead in the movie now." Eric said from offstage. **Well nobody likes you.** "See God agrees with me." Psychobunny says with a smile as she won the battle.

"Aw hell no! I've worked too hard to get Mulan into this war! This guy's messing with my plans, which is totally not cool!" RVD boasted ready to go in there and pound Kidman despite the size difference he'd still go through with it. Rhyno gave him a cheeky smile. "Want me to gore him afterwards?" RVD patted him on the back. "Why, sure you can." He said with a smile and that made Billy groan. Obviously not wanting that to happen.

"We're not finished!" Randy yelled, not going to give up on getting his troops to see battle. "Be careful, Captain. The general may be your father." Eric Bischoff cuts off Kidman. "Oh no he isn't and I don't care what the script says." Bischoff said. "Who cares!" Christian yelled, throwing the thick book at him, which is called in big, bold bright letters in the front that says 'The book you throw at people who you don't care about.'

**What's in that book?** "Oh nothing but a couple of written pages that tells you how to deal with annoying people. Then the rest is to supply thickness for a good whacking manner." Psychobunny replied with a bright smile. Everyone backs away somewhat for who's backstage. Eric just twitched on the floor with a red mark for where the book hit. "You can get back on with your line." Christian said to Kidman.

"But I am the Emperor's Council. And, oh, by the way, I got that job on my own." Suddenly, Billy's right eye starts having a spasm attack. "That… sounds… bad." He said rather slowly and clamped a hand over his eye that is seemingly freaking out at the thought. Randy shuddered then a wave of shuddering went on from everyone except for the Bashams, Kurt and Jericho.

"Let's get off that train of thought you put us in Kidman." Rey said. "You're dismissed." Billy finished his line and went to deal with his traumatized eye. Lita is fully dressed now and has her hair put up, she sees Randy walk out of Kidman's tent dejectedly. "Hey, I'll hold him, and you punch!" Lita said in a deep voice and punched her hand to Randy. She then re-thinks it to be a bad idea and Randy starts to walk away again without talking to her. "Or not. For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain!" She added and he smiled at that put went on to do whatever it was he did in the movie. Probably nothing that important though.

RVD walked up to her. "I saw that." He said while giving her a smug look. Lita gave him a puzzled look. "What?"

"You like him, don't you?" RVD said while placing his hands on his hips with a sly smile. "No! I…" Lita started to say but was cut off by RVD. "Yeah, right, whatever you say dude." He then got a peeved look and pointed in the direction of her tent. "GO TO YOUR TENT!" He boasted. Lita smiles and walks away.

"And cut!" Psychobunny yelled. "That was good except when you entered." She gave The Rock a quizzical look. "The Rock said what he was doing and didn't know when you'd be shooting the scene." He said, pleading his case.

"Hang him!" Doug said from the back of the studio/warehouse thing. "Throw him in jail!" Danny yelled, standing alongside his brother. Psychobunny just gave them funny looks. "You guys are thinking of the old ages, which we aren't in. So, I won't do such things." She said.

The Bashams shrugged and went back to doing whatever it is they're doing. "I'm not going to do anything because he's apart of the cast." The director said and The Rock gave a sigh of relief. Suddenly, the door opened up to reveal the huge purple monkey wearing Kurt's Elmer Fudd outfit and carrying the tranquilizer gun. Kurt was slung over its shoulder out cold with a dart sticking out of his butt. "What the?" Rey said with wide eyes.

* * *

A/N: Ok after the last chapter my randomess has been depleted but it's slowly coming back. So, hopefully it will flow more naturally soon.  



	12. Something's not right

Disclaimer: Don't hurt me but procrastination was the cause of this chapter but good news it's long like chapter ten is. -smiles-

* * *

Act Twelve: Something's not right but when has it ever been right?

* * *

We last left off when the huge purple monkey came in with Kurt's Elmer Fudd outfit on, carrying the tranquilizer gun and Kurt slung over its shoulder. "What the?" Rey said with wide eyes.

And now on with the show… err… whatever is going on that is. "I don't know but looks like Kurt failed." Christian had to point out. "Thank you, Captain Obvious." Edge muttered while rolling his eyes. **Looks like Christian got a new nickname now.** The purple monkey sets Kurt down and gets into the rebuilt cage. Everyone has the 'wtf' look well except Kurt since he's out cold.

"Ok I'm creeped out." Eddie said. "Ok let's just get on with the scene and then afterwards find out what's going on." Psychobunny said and everyone nodded in agreement.

-

RVD looks at Rhyno, who's standing beside him. "I think it's time we took this war into our own hands." Rhyno rubbed his hands together. "I like that idea." He said with a wicked grin. **I thought you were going to gore Billy Kidman?** "Oh don't worry I'll get him." He said with a nod. They ran over to Kidman's tent and flattened themselves against it.

Kidman whimpered from what Rhyno said as he walked out of his tent wearing a long towel wrapped high around his chest, a towel around his head, slippers on his feet, another towel slung over his shoulder and I'd like to add all YELLOW! Except for the blue bath brush thingie. RVD and Rhyno face fault at the sight. "Oh my god! He's becoming a Rico look alike!" RVD shouted. **Hurry! Take him to a church so he can be a follower of me!**

"Shut up!" Kidman yelled. "It's in the script." He added with a sniffle. Rico came over and patted him on the back while leading him towards the lake. "It's ok if you're gay. Some people can handle the truth while others can't." He said with a nod. "I'm not gay though." Billy said with a raised brow.

"Oh you're just in denial Billy." Rico said with a pleasant smile. "Am not." He said backing away from him.

"That's enough Rico." Psychobunny said with a glare. "Stop scaring Billy about confessing that he's secretly gay or something." She added, which made Rico sigh and go back to the dressing room until he was needed. Rhyno looked at the director. "That just made it more disturbing to what you said."

"I don't care if Kurt proclaimed himself to be a eunuch after winning his freakin' gold medals from the Olympics. Just get back on with the scene." She shouted through the megaphone. Causing some people to snicker from her dissing Angle.

Inside the tent, Rhyno is sitting behind a small desk with an equally small typewriter all small with the secret movie magic technique. He was typing out a letter in… Chinese? Well who would have thought a typewriter could type out in Chinese now. RVD was looking at a picture of a pissed off looking Vince, which that is like his normal face, along with Billy shaking hands and pointing at him while grinning at the camera or whoever took the picture.

**Wow that picture is scary.** "I know," Kidman sighed. "It took forever to get it right." "Ok get back on track with the scene." Christian advised them to doing or gets something thrown at them.

"Ok, lemme see what you've got." RVD says then snatches the paper from the typewriter, which becomes normal size… weird. He pulls out reading glasses from his battered dragon costume, which is surprising that they're no cracks or scratches on them. "I can't read this!" He shouts while scanning the paper for a few seconds. Then he notices at the bottom is parentheses and itty-bitty tiny print saying 'translation on backside.'

He chuckles then takes off his reading glasses, puts them away and flips the paper over. "From General Lee, 'Dear would-be-son, we're waiting for the Huns at the pass. It would mean nothing if you'd come back us up.'" He looks over at Rhyno and gives him a thumb up. "You captured what Eric Bischoff would really say but that's not the point or in the script." RVD and Rhyno both shrug.

"Make a new one?" The man-beast asked. "Sure why not? Then this time you could add, 'and since we're out of potpourri, perhaps you wouldn't mind bringing up some!'" RVD said in a frenzy rage and Rhyno gave him a funny look. "What? I just wanted to not leave out that line because it just sounds funny." He said with a shrug. **Sure sounds more funny coming from you.** "Hey!" RVD protested.

Rhyno gave the international sign of crazy about RVD then went to typing out the new letter. Mr. Thursday Night read over his shoulder like he knew what it meant then took it, which made the small paper normal size like the last one. "That's much better, dude! Let's go!" He said and him and Rhyno took off.

Outside, Khan is drinking from a water trough. RVD and Rhyno have no problem climbing up onto his back. How they really accomplished the task no one really knows. "Khan, dude. We need a ride." RVD said to the horse in a hippie kind of way, resulting him getting squirt off by Khan and Rhyno went to jump off of the horse's back but slipped and fell instead. "Medic!" He yelled from on the ground in pain.

**I bet that has to hurt.** "Hey you're God why not take the pain away?" Rhyno asked while looking skywards. **I'm not that giving.** "Ok something's not right then." He said, getting suspicious now. The purple monkey was messing with the gun again that Chavo took noticed of. "Hey give me that." Chavo said while trying to take the tranquilizer gun away. Except this made one of them pull the trigger; shooting the horse and making him fall over onto Rhyno.

Everyone winces at the sight; Psychobunny looks over at the cage and both the monkey and Chavo point at each other. "He did it." Chavo said and the purple monkey seemed to grunt the same thing. She shook her head at them, not wanting to deal with that situation. "It's ok." Rhyno said, unharmed and standing next to the fallen horse. "I'm fine."

Everyone sighed in relief until a light fixture falls on top of him. "Medic!" He croaked. "Oo, that has to hurt." Kane said while wincing. A few people went to deal with the fallen horse and Rhyno. **I swear I didn't do anything.** "Sure we believe you, esse." Eddie said, doubting that fact. "Think he can continue with his part?" Psychobunny asked anyone.

Kane and Rosie are holding up Rhyno, who is not small with movie magic anymore. "Don't worry I can still do it." He said, giving a thumb up before collapsing on the ground. Psychobunny shook her head. "Well someone has to do his part." Christian whined, trying to keep this in order… like there was even an order in the first place.

"Wait… I'll be right back." The Hurricane said and dashed off. Oddly a sign with 'Intermission' written on it pops up and corny music plays where he was just standing. Everyone waits around, checking their watches for the time, tapping they're feet or doing something else. After a minute or two of waiting Trish speaks up, "What's taking that superhero wannabe so long?"

As if on cue, The Hurricane comes back, the sign and music went poof. "What did you come up with or go get?" Chuck asked. "This," he then threw a bucket of ice cold water, including ice cubes, at Rhyno. The man-beast shot up like a rocket to his feet.

"Anyone could have thought of that." William said with a nod. "Well my Hurri-senses tell me that you're right citizen Regal but no one took action to do so except for me." The Hurricane said with a nod as well.

Psychobunny rubbed her temple. "Ok now let's get back on with the scene." She looks at Rhyno with a glare. "Screw up and I'll make sure you're more than just knocked out." The man-beast's eyes went wide. "I do good now."

"Good." She said with a nod. With all this nodding it makes me think of bobble heads…

At the lake, Billy walked out of the lake with a towel wrapped around his chest and another around his head. He held one of his slippers while everyone was laughing at him. "Insubordinate ruffians." He mutters then turns to them shaking his slipper at them. "You men owe me a new pair of slippers!" He yells which causes them all to laugh more.

"And I do NOT squeal like a girl!" He protested to only turn around to see a panda eating his slipper, which caused him to scream like a girl. **Well you sure screamed like a girl to me and remember I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.** "Oh my god I knew it wasn't really God." Rhyno shouted while jumping up and down on the soldier scarecrow person dude as for he makes up the face for it. **Damn.** "I know where he is to." Christian stated and went off.

"Get back on with the scene… and no more screaming Nancy boy." Psychobunny said while looking at Billy, not caring where Captain Obvious went. "I resent being called that." He said before getting smacked with one of the scarecrow arms. "Shut up, dude." RVD said, wanting to move along then in a deep voice. "Urgent news from the general!" He makes the fake soldier hold out a scroll to Kidman, who looks at the panda with a strange look.

"How'd you find that with a short amount of time?" He asks with wide eyes. RVD shrugged, "What's the matter, you've never seen a black and white before?" Kidman takes the scroll and squints at the scarecrow soldier thing's face. "Who are you?" He asked. "Dang that's a dumb question seeing as I know who it is."

"Excuse me? I think the question is, are you gay or not! We're in a war, dude!" RVD then smacks Kidman in the face with a hand from the fake soldier and continues on. "There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for that!" Kidman holds his nose from being smacked in the face again for a minute or so. "Good thing you didn't break my nose."

"Dude, I'm sorry." RVD said with a snicker. "Sorry that I didn't break it." He added, quietly. Billy glared at him… well he would have if he actual saw him. Psychobunny comes up and smacks them both with Fishy. "Get back to work." She said then sat back down.

"Snatch it right off your head!" RVD said, keeping in character even after being whacked with the stuffed fish as the panda walked past Billy as he inspected the letter and turned the scarecrow soldier's torso around so he was still facing him. "But I'm feeling gracious today, so, carry on." He said as the panda climbed up a conveniently located tree that happened to be nearby.

Kidman turns around to see the fake soldier dude gone and turns back to face where he was facing to see Rhyno charging at him in full size even and still in that horrible cricket costume. "Holy crap!" He yelled just as the man-beast gored him into the water. Rhyno stood up in the shin deep water and watched the flailing guppy in the shallow part of the water. "Help me! I can't swim… err… never mind." Kidman said, getting up.

Suddenly, a banshee cry can be heard and they both turned to see Chris Jericho running towards them. They both look at each other in horror to what would happen. "Oh…" Billy and Rhyno say at the same time but didn't finish seeing as Jericho clothesline them both into the water. Rhyno helped Jericho up after that clothesline and Kidman just wondered what his problem was after getting up.

"What was that for Jericho?" Psychobunny asked with a raised brow. He looked up in thought. "I'm not really sure… PURPLE MONKEY!" He yelled as he noticed the huge purple monkey in the cage offstage and ran for the hills in the direction he came from. "Well looks like he has a phobia of purple monkeys now… drat the letter got ruined from Rhyno." She said, now just remembering about the letter.

"Don't worry it's laminate." RVD said with a smile. "Did that before we got the panda part." Psychobunny ran over and hugged the small sized RVD. "Oh my god that's wonderful and now you can finally get on with the scene." RVD started to turn blue from lack of oxygen. "Need… air!" He croaked and the director finally let him go.

Finally get back on whatever track this is going on; Kidman enters the captain's tent wearing his normal clothes. As both towels he was suppose to wear were drenched and he didn't want to go through with it. "Captain, urgent news from the general. We're needed at the front." He said with no enthusiasm at all.

The director threw the almighty book of 'The book you throw at people who you don't care about' at Kidman, who fell down from getting hit by it. "That's not how you act." She yelled through the megaphone. "Evil woman!" Billy hissed and made the cross sign. "Foul beast stay back." She rolled her eyes. "Only if you act better." He nodded in agreement and managed to get back up from the really thick book hitting him.

Kidman left and re-entered the tent all dramatic like. "Captain! Urgent news from the general! We're needed at the front!" He boasted then tripped over the book. Outside of the tent, RVD and Rhyno heard the line then the thud and started cracking up. "Pack your bags, Crickee, we're moving out." RVD said in between laughter to Rhyno. "It wasn't that funny." Kidman whined.

A quick flashy change of costumes, excluding Rhyno and RVD, they still keep the crummy looking costumes now. The soldiers start the trek to meet up with General Bischoff and his army. They were grumbling along the way then finally decided to burst out in song.

_**For a long time we've been marching off to battle.**_

**_In our thundering herd, we feel a lot like cattle_**, sang Nunzio, which so happens they were passing by a heard of cattle that mooed. He rolled his eyes at them and shook his head. "Stupid cows." He muttered. "Hey in India the cow is sacred." Muhammad Hassan said, proud to give out a history lesson.

"You're not even from India… why are you even here? You and you're little friend are not in this movie." Psychobunny stated. "So, just sit back and watch over Kurt or go find Jericho?" Khosrow Daivari started speaking in Arabic to her. "Well… your mother mustn't have been a very nice person to have such a rude jackass for a son." She said with a nod. Both of them started to go into a fit. "Oh hush we need someone to go find Jericho and you two aren't doing nothing yet… so go find him." Khosrow whispered something to Muhammad.

"Don't worry you'll get a reward for finding him." She said with a smile, not wanting to hear anything from them about racism. And they both nodded and went to look for Chris. Now finally back to the singing….

_**Like the pounding beat, our aching feet aren't easy to ignore.**_

Edge ran over to Rikishi and Nunzio.

**_Hey! Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for!_**

"Huh?" Lita said, wondering what he was up to now. Edge put an arm around her should and pulled out a scroll from his armor. Lita took a look and moved away from him.

_**That's what I said! A girl worth fighting for!**_

_**I want her paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars.**_

On the paper, a woman in a kimono who looks likes Alannah… "What the?" Edge questions with a raised brow. "Adam!" He cringed at the thought of what could happen now. "Yes?" He asks meekly. Lisa, his wife, walks up to him and snatches the scroll from him and rips it to pieces.

"Hey that took a long time to make it look right." Alannah states, walking up to them and everyone moves away now except Edge, he was stuck there. "What's going on?" Batista asks anyone. "Ex-wife and new wife," points out Heidenreich to Alannah as the ex and Lisa as the new. He nodded then gave him a quizzical look. "How'd you know that?" The birdman shrugs, yes he's still wearing the costume. "Common sense I guess."

Suddenly, both women start to fight and Edge tries to control them. "Stop it you two!" He shouts and Psychobunny sighs. A couple of superstars go help Edge drag the cat-fight offstage, which still continues as so does the scene.

It changes to Nunzio lifting Mae Young on a piece of wood.

**_My girl will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars_**, sang Nunzio with a disgusted look and doesn't even open his shirt to show off the gaping hole for a scar.

The picture changed to Rikishi and Sua sitting on a bowl of rice.

**_I couldn't care less what she'll wear, or what she looks like_**, sang Rikishi.

_**It all depends on what she cooks like!**_

_**Beef, pork, chicken, mmm ...**_

A cow and pig popped up out of the rice while the chicken flew down and landed in Sua's arms. The scene moved out of the fantasy part to a sculpture of a cow, pig, Rikishi and Sua holding the chicken. Someone has mad skills for sculpturing. Nunzio and Lita walk through a river.

**_Bet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer, _**sang Nunzio, who Lita shoved him underwater and Rikishi caught the fish that popped out.

**_And I bet the ladies love a man in armor, _**Edge sang as he just barely made it to his part. Water in his armor made him more buff than before until he flexed and it spilled out.

_**You can guess what we have missed the most**_

_**Since we went off to war!**_

RVD and Rhyno, who were both in the wagon with the cannons saw some divas forced working picking plants out of the water and wolf whistled at them. Lita noticed them looking and turned away and they shook their heads.

**_What do we want?_** Edge sang.

_**A girl worth fighting for!**_

**_My girl will think I have no flaws_**, Nunzio sang. "You got that right." Mae Young said, offstage and winked at him. Of course that caused him and practically every guy to shudder. Lita just walked away and ran right into Rikishi.

**_That I'm a major find,_** Rikishi sang. Lita rolled her eyes when Edge joined them.

**_How 'bout a girl who's got a brain, who always speaks her mind?_** She sang with a slight shrug.

"Nah!" The threesome said in unison. Lisa and Alannah have stopped fighting when Edge had the muscular water part and glared at him for it. "It was in the script!" He shouted, as they looked ready to take him on. Rikishi and Nunzio chuckled at that.

**_My manly ways and turn of phrase and sure to thrill her,_** Edge sang and leaned up on a wagon wheel.

**_He thinks he's such a lady-killer,_** Nunzio sang to Lita, who slapped Kahn to make him move and caused Edge to end up in the mud.

**_I've a girl back home who's unlike any other, _**Kidman sang.

**_Yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother; _**Nunzio mutter-sang to Lita with a chuckle. Billy turned and glared at him. "Bring it on!" He said, using The Rock's signature expression. "Oh no he did not just rip off from The Great One." The Rock said and jumped into the midst taking Billy down off the horse and started beating on him. No one seemed to care about it too much.

_**But when we come home, in victory**_

_**They'll line up at the door!**_

Nunzio made Mae, Sua, Lisa and Alannah out of snow in random poses… he just added Lisa so he wouldn't end up in the same fate as Edge is in.

**_What do we want? _**Edge sang.

**_A girl worth fighting for! _**Some unimportant soldier people sang while dragged Lita into they're singing line… almost like a can-can line in a way.

**_Wish that I had_** Edge sang.

_**A girl worth fighting for!**_

Lita managed to duck out of line, then turned and walked away from Edge, Nunzio, and Rikishi, whistling. All three of them pulled out huge snowballs to throw at Lita.

_**A girl worth fighting-**_

They stopped singing at that very moment as they finally took noticed of the charred and burning remains of a small village. They walk into the village…

"And cut!" The director yells, which then the guys throw the snowballs at Lita for the fun of it. The Rock stops beating up on Kidman and vise-versa. "That was uncalled for." Kidman states. "But it was fun," The Great One says with a smirk. "Got to whoop your candy ass."

"Man that was a long scene." Randy says with a yawn. "Too long for me." "You weren't even in it." RVD proclaims. He nods. "Exactly."

"I've got the fake God." Christian states as he came back with a guy in a black cloak with his face covered. "Well who is it?" Psychobunny asks, not wanting to play guessing games. The Hurricane seemed to ponder the possibilities like a good superhero would. "Where was he?" Kurt asked in a daze as he sat up on the floor where the purple monkey left him.

"Where the PA system is located." Christian says with a smile. "We have a PA system?" Heidenreich asked wide-eyed. Undertaker smacked him on the back of the head. "Yes now shut up."

"Oh c'mon." The hooded figure removed the hood to reveal it being Sean O'Haire. "Why were you playing God?" Hurricane asked. Sean shrugged. "I felt like it."

"You are evil to do such a thing." Rico said as he put his hands on his hips. Sean smirked and stroked his goatee in an evil looking way. "Of course." He said.

* * *

A/N: The singing part that's underlined along with being in italics and bold is the unimportant soldier people singing. Also, I couldn't pull off the God stuff anymore so I had him revealed! 


	13. Who's the horse now?

Disclaimer: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! My gift to all of you that review today. -smiles and hands out lots of candy-

* * *

Act Thirteen: Who's the horse now?

* * *

In other news, Jericho is still missing and Muhammad and what's his name are still looking for him. The Basham brothers are still up to something, the huge purple monkey is still wearing Kurt Angle's Elmer Fudd outfit and still in the cage. Heidenreich is still loony, and everyone is just hanging around… especially Psychobunny hanging around Sean O'Haire now. 

Now back to the regularly schedule program…

"Wow you sure got to teach me how to evilly bad like you." Psychobunny said while giving Sean's shoulders a massage. "Right you do good being evil without his help." Christian said while rolling his eyes. "Shut up you vile rodent." She snapped with a glare.

"Nice wording but have you thrown the book at people" Sean asked out of curiosity. "Yup did that, released my huge purple monkey on them…well technically it just appeared, threw stuff at them and whacked them with Fishy." She replied with a smile. "Then I don't need to teach you anything on how to be evil." He said with a raised brow.

Eugene ran up to them. "What is it Eugene? We're about to get ready for today's scene." Christian stated with annoyance. He looks down and Sean smacks Christian on the back of the head, hard. "Ow! What was that" He was silenced with a glare from the director and Sean.

"Ok Eugene what is it" Psychobunny asked. Before he could answer, Muhammad and his manager broke the door open making a dramatic effect. "We've found Chris." Muhammad said and dragged him in. "Now where is are reward."

"You'll get your reward at the end like everyone else." She stated, making it fair for everyone. "By the way, where did you find him" The cage had been covered with a large tarp so the purple monkey wasn't a distraction anymore. Jericho is safe for the time being. "He was at the zoo swimming with the penguins." Khosrow said.

"Time not to ask why he did that or what he was thinking" Eddie, said with a raised brow. "Él está muy loco." "I do not smell like onion rings." Jericho said very stupidly to what Eddie said. Everyone anime sweat drops to that. "That's not what he said." Sean stated to Chris.

He just shrugged while everyone was just forgetting about what Eugene had to say. "Ok enough wasting time and money people." Psychobunny said, getting everyone in order. "No let's not and say we did." Jericho said in an outburst kind of way.

She went over and smacked him. Which then Sean held up a score card saying eight point five on it, Paula Abdul held up a score card saying seven, Randy Jackson II held up a score card saying six point five, and Simon Cowell held up a score card saying four. They were all sitting at a judging table.

"What's up with that" Hurricane asked at Simon's sign. Psychobunny glared at him, knowing that was a great smack she gave Chris. "I just couldn't get into and was by far the worst pose I have ever seen." He said. "You sir, are the weakest link." Hurricane said and pulled out a huge mallet i.e. The Mask. "Good bye." And with that he bashed Simon Cowell out of the warehouse never to be seen again.

Everyone cheered, even his co-workers/co-judges, and almost started partying until Psychobunny sounded an air horn. "No parties." She then looked over at Paula and Randy. "You two can go now and for the rest of you. Let's get this scene started." She said with the most enthusiasm since like ever. Paula and Randy left while the cast got set-up.

"I don't have a clue what's going on." Randy Jackson said now in Shang's outfit. "Wait a minute, he's black" Jeff yelled while pointing at him. Something was yet again wrong with this. "Whoa! I totally forgot that they're two Randy." Psychobunny said then dashed out the door to catch up with Randy Orton.

"Good then I don't have to be in this." Randy Jackson said and went to change back into his regular clothes. "Well next time be specific to whom you're talking to." Orton stated as he walked back in with the director following him a few minutes later. "Yes I'll keep that in mind." She looks over at the other Randy. "You may go now."

"Ok people places and…" Christian trails off and looks at Psychobunny, who yells like that one woman from Austin Powers. "ACTION" Everyone rubs his or her ears now from the loud screech that's not from Stephanie McMahon.

-

The burned and charred village is where everyone is at still. "Search for survivors" Randy Orton states then all of a sudden 'Survivor' from Destiny's Child plays. "Who in the blue hell is playing that RB music better turn it off before I stick my shoe straight up your candy ass" The Rock threatens; knowing there should not be interruptions during this.

"Sorry." Called out Simon Dean, who shut off the CD player right beside him. Everyone turned and stared at him. "What the hell are _you_ doing listening to that kind of stuff" Asked Triple H with a raised brow. Simon went all shifty eyed before grabbing the CD player and running off.

Continuing on, Lita went to pick up… "Where's the doll" Psychobunny asked, seeing as it wasn't in its proper spot. Sean just pointed behind her to Hendenreich, still in his hawk costume now including a plastic beak, playing with the doll. Psychobunny just had an odd look on her face. "God dammit Johnny boy how many times do I have to say stop playing with the doll until we're finished with your part"

"Don't make me smite you for using my name in vain." Sean warned her. "Oh give it a rest. Plus where'd the beak come from" She asked. Rico walked over and draped an arm over her shoulder. "Someone tore the wardrobe apart and we found it." Eugene smiled and pointed to himself to prove the 'we' factor.

"So it makes him look more like a turkey now." She said. "Yes" Shouted Undertaker. "Finally someone has agreed with me that he looks like a fricken giant turkey." Hendenreich was happy to take the stupid beak off but Psychobunny had to rip the doll out of his hands. She gave it to Lita for the small part, which made him cry.

Randy looks around the village to get back on task. "I don't understand. My… err… Eric should've been here." He said, so not wanting to act that Eric Bischoff is his father in this. Billy Kidman stood off near a hilly area. "Captain Planet…" He said and bust out into singing the theme song. Everyone gave him a 'wtf' look. "Sorry I got done watching it just before I got here."

He cleared his throat. "Captain" He said and pointed. Well what do you know? It's a blooded battlefield full of 'dead' soldiers. Riksihi walks over and hands Randy the general's helmet, which sets it on the ground and does a jig before going back to his role. "The general is dead." Rikishi said with a mournful look but was dancing on the inside.

Randy went over to some area near or in the village, takes his sword and sticks it in the snow. He places the helmet on the hilt. "Hallelujah" Randy jumped up and shouted. "Praise thee Lord" Lita added to the happiest moment of all time. "Wait" Christian shouted. "Where's the horse"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you." Eugene whined. "Really? Where's Randy's horse" Psychobunny asked.

"Horsy got sick." He hung his head. "But the Basham brothers are missing… so, we got someone else to play the horsy. Except the costume is missing so we had to improvise." Psychobunny, Sean, and Christian were really wondering what they meant by that. "Ok so we let the horse recovery for now but what now? Sean asked with a raised brow.

"Stop pushing" An aggravated voice that belongs to non-other Triple H said. Jericho broke out laughing as two people in a donkey costume was being dragged in by Big Show and Eddie. "Who's the two assclowns being a jackass now" Jericho smirked.

"Shut up, Jericho." Eric said from inside the donkey costume. "My question is who is the rear end of that costume" Christian asked with a smirk. Hunter muttered something along the lines of 'I'll get you back for this.' Randy stifled laughter from that ominous giveaway. "Well times a wasting so get a move one." Psychobunny said, getting everyone in place and even the relucting jackass.

Randy mounts the so-called donkey. "The Huns are moving quickly. We'll make better time to the Imperial City through the Tung Show pass. I guess we're the only hope for the Emperor now. So let's move out" He said and Triple H and Eric tried to move as a unit. Key word being **tried** so it wasn't working out too well… "Would you stop being so slow" Hunter grumbled and Randy kicked the both of them.

"Something tells me he's going to have fun." Sean said with a smirk about Randy. The army trudges behind. Lita places the doll by Randy's sword and joins the others. Hendenreich then runs over and picks up the doll and hugs it. Psychobunny glares at him and he hands it over to her and sulks away.

The soldiers now are slowly walking through the mountain pass; a rocket in the wagon attached to Kahn suddenly goes off, shooting into the sky. Lita looks at RVD accusingly, who point to Rhyno. "Oh you stupid" Rhyno gets cut off as Randy 'rides' over on the wild ass. "What the hell happened? You just gave away our position" "Yeah really" Triple H agrees with Randy. Gasp!

An arrow hits Randy in the shoulder, throwing him off of Eric and Trips. "Run away" Eric advises and they just do that. Huns appear on a cliff and arrows shower down on the soldiers. "Get out of range" Randy yells as he pulls the arrow along with a piece of armor off of his shoulder so he really didn't get hurt after all. Outside of the warehouse, Randy's fan girls cheer that he didn't get harmed.

The pitiful soldiers struggles to get away from the Huns, but now are getting rained on by flaming arrows! They land inside the wagon and pin RVD and Rhyno against a wall without hitting either of them. "This is just too insane." RVD comments. Randy turns around to see the wagon on fire. "Save the cannons" He yells. All the soldiers line up and start passing cannons to each other. Rikishi has a bunch in his arms as he walks away. They get some cannons away; Lita cuts Kahn's reins and mounts him to get away. The wagon explodes sending poor RVD and Rhyno flying into the air. Lita and Kahn get blown a few feet from it.

"Oh, sure, save the horse." RVD scoffs as he lands near her in the snow and faints kind of. She grabs him, her sword and runs over to the other soldiers. "Fire" Ordered Randy and what do ya know they followed his order. After shooting off all but one cannon there was no more sound from the Huns, who are no longer on the cliffs. "Hold the last cannon." Randy said.

"Stop pointing out the obvious." Bischoff said, getting annoyed by the lines. Suddenly out of the great blue yonder appears Undertaker on a horse and is soon joined by a countless number of Hun-ish soldiers plus the other guys that I mentioned in earlier chapters.

"Prepare to fight." Randy says and unsheathes his sword. "If we die, we die with honor." "Easy for you to say" muttered Edge as the Huns charge down the mountainside towards the army. "Yao, aim the cannon at Shan Yu." Randy states and Nunzio begins to aim the cannon rather slowly at the Undertaker. Lita just happened to glance at her sword to get the wonderful glacial overhang above. Wow an idea came to mind and she grabs the cannon, runs over toward the Huns and begins aiming at the overhang.

By the way who could have not thought of that idea before her? Well mainly because they were all staring AHEAD"Ping! Ping, come back" Yelled Randy but it was already too late. Even though, he decided to run after her to stop her. Undertaker drew his sword as he draws nearer. Lita frantically tries to light the fuse but fumbles with the match.

RVD popped out of her armor or something… I'm sure he just didn't poof out of thin air but that would be kind of cool though. Be like a magician or sorcerer. RVD has a panic look on his face, as Undertaker seems to be closing in. Who wouldn't be though? I mean Undertaker coming at you with a sword would be pretty scary.

"Okay dude, you might want to light that right about now" He shouts. Talk about irony when Hendenreich swoops down and tackles Lita, causing her to loose the match. Chavo and Cena were having one hell of a time bringing him back up from that. "Quit eating junk food ya fat cow." John Cena states. "Stop trying to act like a rapper you Vanilla Ice-wanna-be." Hedenreich boasts back.

Well with words tossed back and forth, they started fighting offstage. Psychobunny sighed and motioned for them onstage to continue. Nunzio unsheathes his sword. "C'mon, we gotta help… damn I have to go into action. A good leader never has to do this." He says as him, Rikishi and Edge all run towards Lita, swinging their swords like mad.

Lita picks up RVD who quickly pulls out a lighter to light the cannon fuse and it shoots off toward the overhang with him on it. Wee! Free cannon ride for RVD. "You missed" RVD states with a shock. "How could you have missed, dude! He was three feet in front of you" So the cannon hits its mark with a bang! Thus, causes an avalanche that rains down on the Hun Army, burying them.

Undertaker sees this and is furious and slashes at Lita's side for some revenge. Lita quickly runs away from the avalanche, which seems to be a race now. She pulls Randy with her and Kahn runs towards them. Lita gets on and tries to give Randy a hand but the snow drags him off. Nunzio, Edge and Rikishi thought it was safe behind a rock from the avalanche to where they ran to after seeing it coming at them but nope they were wrong. They ran and hid where all the other solider people are. Edge almost… keyword almost didn't make it.

RVD is riding down the snow on a Hun shield having fun. "Man, I so want to do this again." He said with a smile then started looking for Lita. "Mulan! Mulan! Hey, Mulan" He pulls a head out of the snow, which isn't her and puts it back. "Nope. Mulan" He cries out, reaching down and pulling Rhyno out. "Dude, you ARE one lucky bug." Rhyno looks like he could care less after being swallowed by a huge avalanche.

Kahn manages to break out of the snow with Lita still on his back and race towards an unconscious Randy, who, is heading towards a cliff! Lita pulls Randy up onto the saddle and Kahn turns around to try and get out of this mess.

Rikishi, Edge and Nunzio have made a human ladder now that's considered safety from the avalanche. "Do you see them" Rikishi asks, who is holding them up. "Yes" Nunzio states with a smile. He fits an arrow, which has a length of rope tied to it, and shoots it towards Lita. "Perfect! Now I'll pull them to safety" Of course, he didn't bother to grab the rope until after it has left the area of his hands. Baka!

RVD has slide near Randy and Lita. "Mulan! I found the lucky cricket" He says rather happily and holds Rhyno up. "We need help, not a bug" Lita spat then notices the arrow flies near them. She grabs it and ties it around Kahn's saddle. "Hey" Rhyno said, not liking that harsh statement.

They climb up onto Kahn. "Nice, very nice! You can sit by me" RVD says with a smile then notices the cliff and screams. "We're gonna die! There's no way we're surviving this! Death is coming! This is totally not cool" Lita shoots the arrow back up as they fall off the cliff.

Nunzio is fake crying/acting. "I let them slip through my fingers…" He says before Psychobunny cuts them off. "CUT" she yells. Lita and them all freeze from falling to their DOOM! Well that scene is frozen and they get out of that spot. "I'm glad that's over with." Triple H says as him and Bischoff get out of the costume. "Hey we need the ass for later on. Seeing as that horse will need all the rest to get back to full health." Jericho said with a smirk.

They groan and sulk off. "Jericho is right." Sean agreed with a nod. "Alright now I think we all need to party." Psychobunny said and everyone cheered. They left and Psychobunny jumped on Sean's back just before they left. With the lights turned off and everyone was gone. There was not a sound nor creature stirring except for the purple money's snoring. A side door opened and two people sneaked in…

* * *

A/N: I know the beginning is all humurous and the end isn't. But I blame the action part of the plot for it. Also, who are those people and what are they planning to do? One more thing to mention is that this chapter's title is an inside joke that you all know of now.  



	14. The purple monkey strikes again!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea. Also I bet everyone is going to have a heart attack after I finally update after a great deal of not working on it. Trust me the things I've been through over the past few months while not working on this have not been pretty. Anywho, I don't have to say enjoy because I know you all will!

* * *

Act Fourteen: The purple monkey strikes again!

* * *

Coming back from partying, Psychobunny opens up the door and reaches around the corner turning on the light switch. "Holy fuck? Who did this?" She yelled as the whole area, excluding the stage sets, was covered in ice. The horse costume presumed by skating around. "Seems like who ever is in the costume was probably the ones who made this ice rink." The Hurricane said with observation. 

He went onto the ice and was trying to run at the horse to find out who they are. Unfortunately, ice being slippery he fell and slid right into the two. Thus, caused the costume to rip into two and expose the Basham brothers. "But Aunt Mable I don't have any kangaroos." The Hurricane said in a daze. "What in the blue hell were you two thinking?" The Rock asked, ignoring the fallen superhero.

Danny rubbed the back of his neck nervously as Psychobunny was glaring at the twins. "Well it was suppose to support the lack of fun around here." He began but was interrupted as Austin drove through the cast, crew and door on a zamboni. "Stupid madness and Austin what are you doing here?" Jericho asks, as he steps onto the ice rink.

"Someone put the word out that a zamboni driver was needed at an ice rink. Never said anything about it being a warehouse with sets on it though," replied the rattlesnake as he parked the vehicle near the middle. Everyone began piling in to get ready seeing as Psychobunny was ready to go insane if they didn't start soon. "Austin help the Bashams clean out this mess and the rest get into your places." The director stated as she took her seat.

Sean went over and began massaging Psychobunny's shoulders. "Action people." Christian said without getting yelled at by the director for saying her line. Plus, he didn't want to get forced to help with the clean up.

* * *

As we left off that Lita, RVD, Rhyno and Khan the horse were free falling to their death. Luckily Nunzio let the arrow slip through his fingers so that Lita had picked it up and was preparing to shoot it back up towards the small group. He looked extremely surprised, forgetting where they had left off at, as the arrow landed perfectly in his hands and was getting dragged towards the cliff. "This is totally not fun!" Nunzio yelled out.

Suddenly all the other unimportant soldiers dog-piled on top of him before he went over the edge with Lita and the others. Rikishi simply walked over and managed to pick the huge group up and walk backwards, pulling the others up without falling over himself. Kind of makes you wonder how that could happen. Back on track, Randy was now awake as they got off Khan. "I knew we could make it! Not that I didn't doubt the ancestors or anything." RVD shouted with joy and muttered the last part.

"Guys step back. Give him some air!" Edge stated and all the soldiers moved back a few feet. Randy was breathing heavily from the almost heart attack that the director made them do. "You crazy psychopath," muttered the Legend Killer before getting into character. "Ping, you _are_ the craziest man I have ever met. And for that, I owe you my life. You have my trust." He smiled. "Let's hear it for Ping, the bravest of us all." cheered Edge and Nunzio added,"You're King of the Mountain... seriously why would someone say that _while_ standing on a mountain?"

With his statement dismissed, everyone started cheering for Lita's bravery. When she tried standing up but doubled-over in pain. "Don't tell me it's that time of the month?" Randy said, totally out of character. Resulting him getting smacked by Matt then by Edge. "I mean... Ping, what's wrong?" Lita moves her hand from the wound Undertaker gave and revealed blood. "Ok so I was wrong." Randy got smacked by Rikishi this time. "Stop hitting on me and someone get help."

This time Lita was losing consciousness while seeing Randy's face blur and his mouth moving. "Ping, hold on. Hold on!" Randy said while fake sobbing and shaking Lita. "Would you _not_ get over dramatic here?" Lita asked, not expecting the ex-champ to get this way. "Sorry I couldn't help it." He said, sheepishly.

Later that night, everyone is standing around or pacing in Randy's case near a tent.Shannon Moore walked out of the tent in an old Chinese doctor attire and walks up to Randy. "I'm sorry but I couldn't save her." He sounded so doctor-like while losing a patient it was scary. More scary that only Randy could here that seeing as Shannon whispered to him. "What do you mean?" Randy asked in a shocked tone, rushing inside the tent with a disturbed expression.

Low and behold, Lita sat up in bed as Randy gazed at her. "Hey you said she was dead," yelled Randy to Shannon who was laughing. "I can't believe you actually believed me! What kind of actor are you that can't tell when someone is acting." Everyone started cracking up at that. "Ok people we had a laugh now get back on with the scene." Sean said, cracking a whip towards the people on stage.

Even though Lita is bandaged Randy can recognize her as a woman, but he already knew that though. Oops, Lita quickly covers up a few seconds too late. "I can explain!" She tries to reason but Billy Kidman comes into the tent. "So it's true!" He has an appalled look on his face.

Yanking Lita out of the tent while she still had to blanket wrapped around her, Kidman pulled her hair out of a bun before throwing her to the ground. "I knew there was something wrong with you! Damn woman! Treacherous snake!" Kidman said, furiously. "Amen to that." Matt agreed offstage who got hit by a small chunk of melting ice courtesy from Stone Cold Steve Austin. "No one wants to hear you whine about what happened in your personal life anymore." Austin said as he went back to melting the ice with a hairdryer as the twins were using towels to soak up most of the water.

Nunzio clears his throat as a gesture to keep this scene moving before the director gets after them. "My name is Mulan and I did it to save my father!" Lita pleaded her case. Unfortunately, Billy goes on a rampage on keeping to the code that women are not suppose to fight in wars. "High treason!" "I didn't mean for it to go this far!" The red-head said, annoyed by Kidman.

"Ultimate dishonor!" He said that got the soldiers to look shocked more than finding out that Ping was a girl. "It was the only way! Please, believe me!" She looked at Randy in a reasonable manner, who just looked like someone stole his toy from his happy meal.

Kidman glanced over at the captain in wonder what his action will be. "Captain?" Randy walks over to Khan and takes Lita's sword. Edge, Nunzio and Rikishi run over to try and stop the beheading, but Billy stops them. He looked over at two unimportant soldiers, "Restrain the horse and as for you," looks at the threesome, "you know the law." They seemed to look more depressed at that comment. "Man I love my part except for the comments." Billy added with a smile.

Randy walks over and throws the sword in the snow in front of Lita. "A life for a life. My debt is repaid all too quickly but oh well. Move out!" He yelled at the soldiers. Kidman went wide-eyed at the action of the captain. "But you can't just let her live." Randy glared at him. "I said, 'Move out.' Or can't you understand a word that is coming out of my mouth."

"Do I even want to know what has gotten into him?" Christian asked, hoping it didn't deal with sugar. We all know what happened last time with Billy Kidman and no one wanted to have another experience like that again. The soldiers walk away while giving Randy a weird look and trying to be sad about leaving Lita, RVD, Ryhno and Khan in the snowy mountain range.

Sometime later they were just sitting there in the same spot. RVD walking around the busted arrows. "I was this close. This close!" He holds his forefinger and thumb to where they were almost touching. "To impressing the ancestor dudes, getting that top shelf, in entourage... dude. All my fine work put to waste." He complained as he picked up a broken arrow, placing a piece of food on it and roasting over a tiny fire. Good thing it wasn't a big fire otherwise his cruddy costume might go up in smoke.

"I should have stayed in bed at home." Lita said with a sigh. "Dude, you wanted to save your father's life. Who knew you'd end up doing all this. Y'know, you just gotta... just gotta learn to let these things go." RVD said trying to cheer her up. "Maybe I didn't go for my father. Maybe what I really wanted was to prove that I could do things right. So when I look in the mirror," Lita picks up her helmet and gazes into it, "I'd see someone worthwhile. I was wrong and I see nothing. That is ironic because I see my reflection..."

"We get the point." Chris Jericho said before Lita could make a rant on that line. Luckily for him the purple monkey was nowhere in sight so he don't have to be freaking out. First time for everything. Unless you count... never mind let's get back on track here.

RVD took the helmet, spit on it and rubbed it. Too bad it wasn't a magic lamp... "Let ol' RVD make this nice and purdy for you." He holds it back up to Lita and sees her reflection. "I can see you, look at you, you look like a million bucks!" With that hope of cheering her up failing rather miserably.

RVD sat back down and moped with her. "The truth is we're both frauds in this deadly game of 'Who wants to be a winner.' Your ancestors hate me and didn't send me. I mean, you risked your life to help the people you love. Dude, I risked your life to help myself. At least you had better intentions than I did."

"Aww man do I have to do this?" Rhyno asked, not wanting to even fake cry. "Just do it." Psychobunny said while holding up a flyswatter. Seeing as with movie magic Rhyno was the size of a cricket and a flyswatter would look pretty deadly at that size. "Damn you," muttered the man-beast as he did a very atrocious acting job on fake crying as he looked into the helmet at his reflection. 

Suddenly, his eyes went wide as saucers. "Why didn't anyone tell me I look like a diseased rodent in this thing?" Everyone just looked around or doing their job offstage. "Just think of this way, we're both suffering in awful costumes... except mine looks a little better though." RVD said while comparing outfits. "Oh yeah that makes me feel a whole lot better." Rhyno rolled his eyes.

"Back on track you two or I'll let Austin throw ice at you." Christian said with a grin. They looked over to see a nice pile of big melting chucks of ice next to Austin as that was going to be his ammo until it melted. "Damn you for saying you're not lucky." RVD said as Rhyno smiled at that and turned to face Khan. "And what are you, a sheep?" The horse snorted at the foot high Mr. Thursday night at that remark.

"I'll have to face my father sooner or later. Let's go home." Lita said as she got up after gathering her stuff. "This ain't going to be pretty but don't you worry, ok? Things will work out. We started this thing together and we're going to finish it that way. I promise." RVD stated with a smile.

Meanwhile, on the other side from them where the avalanche took place. The shadow of Heidenreich in the hawk getup is seen as Chavo and John are back with the tedious task of keeping the crazed German in the air. "Hey! He has the dolly again." Eugene snitched while pointing up at the hawk-man. Sure enough Heidenreich was playing airplane with the doll, which made it hard for John and Chavo to control him. "Stop moving around lunkhead!" Cena snapped at Jon.

"Angle I give you the task to take that stupid doll away when this scene is over with." Psychobunny said and Kurt just shrugged his shoulders in agreement. As soon as Chavo and Cena had gotten control and Heidenreich made a U-turn. Undertaker popped out of the snow and climbed out. He warly looks at the lunatic before letting out a menacing roar. Thus, caused everyone to take three steps back away from him. As he was that convincing and scary.

Soon five more join up with him: Gangrel, Billy Gunn, Viscera, X-pac and some other unimportant dude. They begin their trek to the Imperial City. Lita grabs her gear, mounts Khan and goes after the Huns after witnessing them popping out of the snow. "Home is that way, chick." said RVD while pointing the direction where home is located.

"I have to do something." She proclaimed while looking at him with a stern look. "Did you see those Huns? They popped out of the snow! LIKE DAISIES!" RVD yelled while doing hand motions. Obviously, not liking how they managed to survive. "Are we in this together or not?"

Yep, making the miniature RVD feel guilty for what he said earlier. "Let's go kick some Honey Bunch!" Mr. Thursday Night said while throwing a fist in the air and hopping on Khan along with Rhyno. Seeing as he didn't want to be left in a snowy region. They head down the mountain towards the city.

"That's a wrap for today people." Christian yells just as Cena and Chavo let go of Heidenreich, causing him to crash into the ground. "It's hard work to keep him up in the air and steady with that harness." Chavo proclaim to Psychobunny as she looked over at the two. "Yeah big guy could loose a few pounds and stop eating those Lucky Charms of his. Seeing as they ain't making him lucky at all." John said with a laugh.

Remembering what he had to do, Kurt went over to the fallen German and snatched the doll away. "Noooo! Mrs. Calloway come back!" Jon howled as he reached out while still on the ground, the beak now crumpled up from the fall. Kurt paid no heed as he gave the doll to Eugene. Seeing as him and William Regal are responsible for the props and costumes.

"Taker find it weird that he calls the doll Mrs. Calloway?" Jericho asks the Deadman finally pointing it out. Undertaker just shrugged. "At least I know it's not my wife he's talking about." Out of nowhere, the huge purple monkey comes in and goes after Chris Jericho and his new victim Christian. "Why me?" The small blond Canadian yelled out as they left the buiilding.

Thus, causes concerns to how the monkey got out of its cage and why it is now going after someone else. "Muhammad and Daivari get over here." The director yelled out and the two came running over. "Now if you choose to accept your mission I will be totally grateful." Muhammad Hassan gave her a look as if this was being racist towards them for doing something.

Daivari began speaking in the Arabic language, which made Psychobunny and Sean give him a funny look. "Whoa! Maybe you wear polka dotted boxers but I don't." Sean said, concealing a smirk. Knowing full well he just made him pissed. "Anyways onto more important matters such as this mission only my bravest people, such as yourselves, are needed. Which is a rescue mission on finding and bringing back Chris Jericho and my assistant director Christian. Seeing as I do need Christian here." The director said, trying to make them feel really important.

"Fine we will go and bring those two back. Trust me it won't be pretty like the last time with only Jericho." Muhammad shakes his head at remembering that sight and it was not pretty at all while bringing the Canadian back. "But remember we would like something extra when we get paid." Psychobunny nodded in agreement. "Trust me I will think of something."

* * *

A/N: Random factor is beginning to come back and I think it's not as good as the rest but it will have to do. Anyone who likes this should go read my other humor fic Cooking with W.H.A.T?  



	15. Anyone up for black mail?

Disclaimer: Whoa, another update, sweet!

* * *

Act Fifteen: Anyone up for black mail?

* * *

As we left our heroes, or what ever you want to call them, the giant purple monkey had taken Chris Jericho but also another person, Christian. As Fate would have it Muhammad and Daivari haven't returned with the assistant director and a back stage helper. Psychobunny was pacing back and forth thus making a ditch in the non-icy area in the building. "What's taking them so long?" Everyone just shrugged in return as they were getting this icy problem out of here. Sean was sitting in the assistant director's chair while watching the director pace the room. 

"Maybe we should bring in the stand in assistant director." He suggested. "Great idea! Go get the stand in assistant director so we can start," said Psychobunny with an arm raised in the air and index finger pointing to the sky. Eddie quirked a brow in wondering what she has up her sleeve this time. Sean got up and left the premises. "What's going on now?" asked Kurt.

Suddenly the lights dimmed and in came a hooded figure with Sean O'Haire. "Great another robed figure, just what we need around here." Chavo sighed in disgust not caring who was under there. Even though he would soon regret what he had said. The figure turned to face the young Guerrero without removing the hood. A cold shiver ran down Chavo's back while just being stared at. "This is the assistant director everyone so be nice and he'll be nice. Otherwise you won't like him while he's mean." Psychobunny said with a smile.

"So who is is under that robe?" Rosey asked just as he got hit in the face by a wet towel from the Hurricane. "Sorry I didn't see you there." The green superhero said as he wore rain slacks to keep his costume dry. That didn't seem to work out to well as Scotty too Hotty dumped a bucket of ice cold water on him. "What was that for, Citizen Scotty?" Hurricane demanded as he began wringing out his cape. Scotty shrugged, "It just felt like a random enough moment to do so."

"Yo who's the Anikan wannabe?" John said as he noticed the dark robed figure. "It's just too bad I can't use the Force on you." The figure removed the hood and there stood Raven. Psychobunny went over and hugged the stand in assistant director. "Ok now we can start today's scene." She said like Jericho and Christian weren't missing. Everyone just shrugged at the way she was acting and how Raven is the new assistant director.

* * *

In the Imperial City there was a party going in from the death of the Huns. Lots of people were watching the parade and were jolly. Not having anymore fear of the Huns being around. Except they were so wrong... "Make way for the heroes of China!" yelled Paul London as the parade leader. Randy, the gang of three and the other soldiers follow glumly behind as they miss having Lita with them, and behind them is a large Chinese dragon. Hmm... I wonder what surprises are in store... 

Oh look Lita comes riding up beside Randy. "Randy!" She yells in distraught. Of course knowing something that they didn't know. "Wrong name!" Raven yells from his spot in the assistant director's chair. "Oops, sorry. I meant Shang!" Lita restated. Randy looks surprised to see the red-head, "Mulan?"

"The Huns are alive! They're in the city!" She proclaims. "You don't belong here, Mulan. Just go home." Randy said, obviously not believing her. Lita glares at him, "Shang, we-I saw them in the mountains! You have to believe me!" Quickly catching her mistake on including RVD while he did see them too. But kept in mind he's not suppose to be seen by anyone else really.

"Yeah they popped out of the snow like daisies, dude." RVD stated as he peered over Lita's shoulder at Randy. Suddenly the mini-hippy landed on the ground with a _thud_ as he was knocked off Lita's shoulder by a pink, fuzzy bunny slipper. "Nice shot," complemented Sean to Raven with a smirk. Randy quirked a brow but ignored RVD's comment as he went on with the scene before he was hit by something. "Why should I?"

"You should really loose some weight." Triple H said as him and Eric had to play Randy's horse still. Randy just punched the donkey costume's head, which was Hunter. Lita and the threesome tried not to laugh at Hunter's misfortune. "Really why else would I come back? You said you'd trust Ping. Why is Mulan any different?" Randy "rides" around her as he doesn't want to talk to her anymore. RVD got stepped on by Triple H and Eric Bischoff as he was just recovering from the fall. "Watch where you're walking, chumps." He yelled.

Lita turns to Edge, Rikishi and Nunzio, "Keep your eyes peeled. I know they're here." She then heads off away from the parade grounds. Dismounting Khan, RVD managed to drag his battered self over to Lita and ask, "Now where are you going?" Rhyno still on the horse's back was laughing at what happened to his buddy. "Shut up, cockroach!" RVD seethed. "Cockroach? Oh that's it." Rhyno then jumped down and began fighting with RVD.

Lita just sighs and hurries off into the crowd. While Big Show just walks over and picks them up, one in each hand, as they were miniature with movie magic. So there was no way they would want to deal with Big Show as they had no chance of winning against him. Meanwhile, the so-called Chinese Army climbs up the steps to the Great Palace, followed by the suspicious Chinese dragon. Vince McMahon meets them; still not wearing the right outfit for the part.

"My children! Heaven smiles down upon the Middle Kingdom! China will sleep safely tonight, thanks to our brave suck-err-I mean warriors!" Vince announced loudly enough for all to hear. "I'm just glad I don't have to talk like that all the time." He added with relief. As that was going on, Lita was currently trying to find someone that will believe her. "Sir, the Emperor's in danger!" She said to Kenzo Suzuki. "Huh." Kenzo gave her a 'yeah whatever' look before turning his attention on the event ahead of him.

"But the Huns are _here_!" The red-head turned to another citizen, Sylvain Grenier. "Please, you have to help!" He turned his head to face her, "Qui soigne que vous pensez ?" Then turned back to face what was happening in front of him. "You owe me ten bucks!" Psychobunny yelled at Sean while holding out her hand for the payment.

Lita quirked a brow, "What did you two bet on?" Sean sighed in defeat and handed over the money to the director. "To see if Sylvain would actually say something towards you dealing with the time era." Raven just shook his head at the two and waved a hand for those on stage to continue. "Wait! Before we continue how in the hell did you know what the French guy said?" Spanky asked out of pure confusion.

"Easy," Psychobunny smiles and holds up a translation list of possibilities that Sylvain would say, "This little beauty has translations on it in both English and French." With that understood now the cast began acting again. Lita sighed in frustration, "No one will listen!" RVD stood by her legs as Rhyno and him finally came to a compromise so Big Show could put them down. I mean who would really want to be in the sweaty hand of a seven foot giant? Not to mention it would be embarrassing as you would be like a doll or action figure, which ever you prefer to him.

Now back to what I was saying is that RVD is standing by Lita's legs scratching his arm and looking at the event in front of him. Completely ignoring what Lita had just said but then realized he was being talked to. "Huh? Oh, I'm sorry dude, but did you say something?" Thus, the late response cause the mighty hippy to get slapped across the back of the head. Knocking him down a couple of feet away; landing just behind a random citizen.

"Hey! This calls for dishonor on your whole family for the next four generations!" RVD said as he got up and started shaking a tiny fist at her. "That's not possible Rob," said Raven as he held his face in the palm of his hand while shaking his head in disbelief. Figuring that RVD must have smoked too much wacky weed and it finally caught up to him. RVD looked appalled to what the stand in assistant director said. "Well fine then it's because you're a girl again that no one believes you." He said to Lita, dropping the rant he was about to go on dealing with dishonor.

Randy and the other soldiers knelt in front of Vince, despite how much they didn't want to. "Your majesty, I present you the sword of Shan Yu." Randy said while handing him the sword. "I know what this means to you, Captain Li. Your -ahem- father would have been somewhat proud." Vince said, while taking a hit at Eric too. Eric just shook his head, now off stage seeing as him and Triple H weren't needed anymore.

Well before Vince could take the sword from Randy, it was intercepted by none other than Heidenreich. Crashing into Vince and knocking him down. Offstage, Chavo and John hi-five each other for that as they maneuvered the rope so that Heidenreich headed up towards the roof, where a line of stone gargoyles are resting. Heidenreich drops the sword, one of the gargoyles moves revealing to be Undertaker, eyes rolled back for a few seconds and a malice grin as the light shone on him.

Surprise! Huns jump out of the Chinese dragon costume that was behind Randy and his soldiers. Viscera grabs Vince and takes him into the palace. While X-Pac and Billy Gunn closed the doors behind them and Gangrel was threating people with his bow. "Don't any body move! I have a bow and I know how to use it!" Gangrel said, sounding pretty much like a maniac. Raven raised his brows in amusement while looking at Psychobunny. "You had to have the crazy people in this, didn't you?" "Well it makes for an interesting turn of events." She replied with a shrug.

"No!" Randy yelled, getting up and running towards the door. Edge, Nunzio, Rikishi and the other unimportant soldiers started running right behind their captain. Oops too late with the slow reaction (ironic isn't it?) as the Huns closed the Great doors just before they got there. On the roof, Undertaker laughs evilly.

Randy gets an idea and soon the Chinese Army uses a statue of a lion to try and break the doors down. Unfortunately, his idea was a flop and the doors didn't look like they're going to give up anytime soon. Lita looks on as she is now a few feet from them. "They'll never reach the Emperor in time." She mutters while looking around on trying to find a way in. Viola! Inspiration struck as she took notice of the pillars by the side of the palace. She whistles to the soldiers, "Hey guys! I've got an idea!"

Edge, Nunzio and Rikishi look at each other then drop the statue and followed Lita. Edge did an unnecessary flip with his sword before handing it over to Lita. Then they all took off their armor and handed it to her. Going off somewhere, more like the makeup room to change but yeah when they came back on stage. The guys had their faces hidden behind fans. Then they closed them at the exact same time and struck the same poses... well almost.

Facing left was Edge, facing right was Nunzio and facing center was Rikishi. All sticking their chests out and having tough man glares. Now Matt busted out laughing first which made everyone lose their straight faces as they weren't trying to laugh. "Oh my god... Edge you look... look ridiculous!" He managed to say through fits of laughter. A few flashes of a camera temporarily blinded the three as Chris Benoit was taking them to be used for black mail.

Edge was wearing a yellow-orange kimono, a yellow dress underneath with a yellow sash, flat yellow oval-shaped clip-on earrings, face painted white with blush, red lipstick and medium blue eyeshadow. Not to forget his hair was put up in a bun on top of his head and had apples for boobs.

Nunzio was wearing a red kimono, a pink dress underneath with a orange sash, plain round orange clip-on earrings, face painted white with blush, red lipstick and dark blue eyeshadow. He had to wear a black wig (hair matching purposes) that was put up in a bun on top of his head and had an orange and a banana for boobs (don't ask how that works because I don't know either).

Last but not least, Rikishi was wearing a blue kimono, baby blue dress underneath with a baby blue sash, big round blue clip-on earrings, face painted white with blush, red lipstick and light blue eyeshadow. Like Nunzio, he had to wear a blond wig that was put up in a bun on top of his head and had watermelons for boobs.

"It's just too bad that Jericho and Christian aren't here to see this," said Raven with a smile. Benoit holds up the camera. "That's why I took pictures!" Psychobunny gave him a thumbs up as Sean stroked his goatee with a sadistic smile. Obviously, having black mail thoughts roaming through his sinister mind. "Ok well let's continue." Raven stated after everyone calmed down again.

Getting back on track yet again... The guys walk up to the pillars and whipped out their sashes with a whipping sound., looping the sashes around their own pillars. Someone tapped on Lita's shoulder and she raised a brow and turned to face Randy, who didn't have to go through the humiliation of being in Middle Age China drag. He took off his fancy cape and looped it around the last pillar. They all began climbing up the pillars, mysteriously the sashes never torn on the guys. Especially Rikishi the big lug.

Viscera dragged Vince up to the balcony where everyone below could see them. Undertaker hung upside down on the roof so that he popped up in Mr. McMahon's face. "Boo," yelled Undertaker with a chuckle as he climbed down to join them. "Guard the door!" He stated to his soldiers, which they walked inside to do their duty. Undertaker looks back at Vince with malice tension; whether or not he was acting we will never know. "Your walls and armies have fallen. And now it's your turn. Bow to me." I bet everyone wishes they were in Undertaker's place to be able to say that to Vince.

Outside the balcony in the hallway, Viscera closes the door and looks around. In an adjacent corridor, Lita peeks around the corner to see them guarding the door, then pulls her head back. "Ok, any questions?" asked Lita. Nunzio so didn't look like saying his line but receiving a glare from Psychobunny he said it. "Does this dress make me look fat?" Lita then slapped him from such a stupid question. "Ow!"

"Today's scene is now over with." Raven announced. The three guys quickly ran off to go change back into their regular clothes for the rest of the day. Finally Muhammad and Daivari came back with Jericho and Christian. Jericho was acting like the last time the purple monkey kidnapped him while Christian just looked violated. "You two missed out on seeing Edge, Rikishi and Nunzio in drag." Austin stated as him and the Basham brothers finished cleaning the ice mess.

Jericho's eyes went wide, "No! I can't believe I missed out on mocking them!" He then began to cry, literally. When Edge came back in normal attire him and Matt exchanged glares. Suddenly the giant purple monkey screeched loudly as it came lumbering in the warehouse. Edge and Matt clung to each other from the loud noise that caught them off guard and scared them. Both blinked a few times before letting go of the hug they shared and quickly walking away in different directions.

"Looks like you two were scared." Raven said with a smirk. "Was not!" replied Matt and Edge at the same time. Austin jutted a thumb back at where Chris Jericho was trying to climb up a wall, "Chicken Little was scared shitless though." Psychobunny palmed her face then looked at Kurt Angle, whom sported the Elmer Fudd attire again. "You know the drill, Angle."

The Olympic gold medalist nodded then walked over to Jericho and shot him in the back with a tranquilizer dart. Molly and Trish went over and picked up the fallen Canadian to take him to the back room. Kurt then shot the purple monkey so the director can deal with it. "Should I tell Chris -when he wakes up- that I took pictures?" Benoit asked. "Naw let him suffer some more, take pictures of him, then tell him," replied Sean O'Haire with a wicked smile.

* * *

A/N: Translation to what Sylvain said: "Who cares what you think?" Also I bet it's a shocker that I brought Raven into the mix.  



	16. Fight to the death or

Disclaimer: WoOt! This is a birthday present to myself seeing as I didn't get any presents. Happy Birthday to me!

* * *

Act Sixteen: "Fight to the death" or "Getting the crap beat out of you is easy"

* * *

It was the night before Christmas, well not really but just go with it, and all through the building not a creature was stirring. Not even the large purple monkey, whom was still in his cage. On the floor lay Sean O'Haire and Psychobunny fast asleep, we all know she isn't dreaming about sugar plums. Off to the side were Christian and Raven was a feet from them. Both the first and second assistant directors. Each dreaming of dreams on how to get rid of one another. 

Suddenly, out came a shriek of delight as some cast and crew arrived. Causing Psychobunny and the guys to jump up in confusion. "What the hell is going on?" asked, a not to pleasant, director. "This chump wanted us to come in early to immediately start on today's scene," Austin pointed to the wardrobe consultant, Rico, "He seems to be awful cheery this morning."

The groans from Edge, Rikishi and Nunzio could be heard. Oh yes they had to dress in Ancient China drag yet again. Unfortunately, Jericho was made to stay home with (trust me I wouldn't want this upon my worst enemy) Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah. They were taking care of him from when the purple monkey dragged him and Christian off into the unknown. At least Chris Benoit took pictures for blackmail purposes.

"Dingus one and Dingus two, tell the cast to be ready in five minutes so we can start. Despite that we haven't ate anything yet seeing as Rico decided to wake us up." The director stated, taking her rightful place as ruler... err... as the commanding officer... err... as the person in charge of this movie. "Everyone hurry and get ready!" The Hurricane yelled. "Hey he stole my toy!" yelled Randy right after Hurricane did. Seeing as Danny was now holding up the Fantastic Four toy of the Invisible Woman that you get from Burger King. Randy pouted when Danny passed the toy to Heidenreich, whom we should all know that loves to play with toys, which he still has the doll...

Scotty walked up to Randy and gave him a pat on his back. "Don't worry I'll just get you another kid's meal after this scene." Randy sniffled, "No thanks, I'll get it back on my own." Here's where the Mission Impossible music would be playing but it wasn't happening seeing as the task would have to wait till later. Raven gave Randy a look as he wasn't getting ready fast enough. "By the count of three you should be dressed and on stage."

One... Randy quickly dashed off to change.

Two... Randy quickly ran on stage to join the rest of the cast.

Three... somehow everyone began laughing.

"What!" proclaimed a peeved Legend Killer, figuring he was dressed and was on stage before Raven could harm him. "Citizen Orton, I believe you should look in a mirror." The green superhero said with a smile plastered to his face. Triple H and Ric Flair carried over a full body mirror after Randy gave a quizzical look. What he saw only made his jaw drop in absolute terror and Benoit to snap some pictures... for blackmail purposes. Seeing as Randy was now dressed in an old Victorian Era styled dress with hug brunette wig and make-up. It was only amazing how he could have done all that in three seconds. He went back to change and muttered death warnings for everyone who mentioned this again.

"Alright, settle down and let's begin while he changes into his original set clothes." Sean mentioned.

* * *

Well when we left off Nunzio got smacked for asking a dumb question, so the four "girls" walk near the guards, giggling while trying to not bust a gut from Randy's mishap. "Who's there?" Gangrel asked, fitting an arrow on the bow. "Concubines," replied Viscera with a inviting smile. For all accounts he should be put in prison for such an act because that's just creepy. Seeing as he's not suppose to enjoy the sight... well maybe it was only Lita he really was into but still gross. Gangrel on the other hand looked sickened, "Ugly concubines at that." 

"Why I oughta..." sneered Edge, thinking he looked damn fine like this. Christian coughed loud enough for him to catch the hint. They were fanning themselves with the fans trying to look cute, suddenly, an apple rolls out of Edge's dress. Viscera picked up the apple with a questionable expression.

In another hallway, Randy was in his normal captain attire, and was trying to sneak past but was spotted by Heidenreich. "Hey..." Yep the calling out didn't work out too well seeing as RVD held up a tiny flamethrower (shrunk by movie magic) to make it seem like he can breath fire, and torches him. "Now that's what I call Mongolian barbecue," he said with a smile on his face to Rhyno, who was just laughing at the burnt German. "Extra crispy, anyone?" He howled with laughter.

Back in the other hallway where Lita and the guys are... Viscera hands the apple to Edge, but the gang of three all pull fruit out of their dresses and attack the guards with malicious smiles. Rikishi smashed the watermelons on Billy Gunn's head, which knocked him unconscious. Edge shoved the other apple in Viscera's mouth and knocked him out with the cement-breaking move he learned at training camp. "Ouch," he muttered while holding his forehead. Nunzio blocked to punches from X-Pac, grabbed his arm and flipped him with a proud smirk.

Lita on the other hand took on the archer, which obviously was too stupid to shoot or use it as a weapon at close range. Well she did kick the bow and arrow out of Gangrel's hands but still he could have used another one.. so Lita punched him in the chin, elbowed him in the solar plexus, tackled him and held his head up by the bow. Talk about getting your ass kicked by a girl. "Shang go!" She yelled and he runs up the stairs and towards the room where Undertaker and Vince are.

"I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me!" Undertaker shouted as he pointed his sword at Vince. I can picture everyone wanting to do that to him now... "Oh great being philosophical," muttered Mr. McMahon, "No matter how the wind bows, the mountain cannot howl to it." Undertaker just cracked a smile at the mix up. Raven looked like he was just this close to smacking the boss for that. "That's cute... but it's WRONG!" He bellowed. "Try it again Vince and this time get the line right." Psychobunny said, smacking a rolled up newspaper against her hand in warning.

"Fine," said Vince. "No matter how the mountains howl, the wind cannot bow to it." Christian leaned over to the director, "I think he's doing that on purpose." She contemplated that thought and nodded. "That's close enough." She waved her hand in a gesture that told them to keep going. Undertaker raised his sword and was ready to strike Vince down. "Then you will kneel in pieces!" He cried out with a malicious smirk, bringing his sword down to cut Vince's head off. Of course, Randy intercepted with his own sword just in time. Vince just moved out of the way. "Try that off stage and see what happens to your pay check," Vince said to the Undertaker.

Randy knocked Undertaker's sword out of his grasp, then kicked him in the chin, sending him slamming against a conveniently located pillar. He lunged at him with his sword, but Undertaker grabbed his arm and flung him out, intending to fling him out where he would fall into the crowd with a splat. But Randy grabbed the conveniently located pillar, swung around, and kicked Undertaker in the face, knocking him to the floor. Can we say Randy has just signed his death wish now?

Randy tackled him and punched him in the face, but Undertaker grabbed him by the throat and knocked him over so he was on top. "Say your prays you whelp," hissed Undertaker with a smirk. But Randy punched him in the chin…again…and rolled over twice so that Undertaker was face down on the floor with his arm twisted behind him."Well this whelp just kicked your ass!" gloated Randy.

Finally, Lita, Edge, Nunzio and Rikishi came running in. "Chien-Po, get the Emperor!" barked Lita.

"Sorry, Your Majesty," Rikishi said, looking like he was thinking about throwing Vince over the side of the building instead of saving him, then picked up Vince and went swinging down on the string with his sash.

Undertaker looked up in time to see Rikishi and Vince go sailing down, going…going…lost in the crowd. "No!" Undertaker yelled, now very enraged.

Undertaker elbowed Randy in the face, then head-butted him. Lita, who was chilling near the pole with her sash around the string, flinched. As that has got to smart big time. Undertaker then picked up Randy and threw him on the ground, where he bounced like a rag doll and lay motionless."Medic!" croaked Randy, obviously not liking this ass kicking part.

Meanwhile, Edge and Nunzio had slid down the string. "Come on!" Nunzio yelled at Lita. She glanced down at Randy, who looked like a broken doll, then at the Deadman's sword, then at Undertaker who was walking towards her. She grabbed the sword and did a heroic/stupid thing: she cut the string. So the string fell to the ground and everyone cheered.

Undertaker scanned the crowd for McMahon. He didn't find him, which is kinda odd. I mean, you'd think that three dudes dressed up in Middle Age China drag and an middle aged man in a business suit would be easy to find, but whatever.

So anyway, Undertaker gone past enraged, seeing as he didn't feel like playing Where's Waldo? with them, grabbed his sword from the pole, completely ignored Lita, and went after Randy again. Randy pulled up a dagger from somewhere, but the Undertaker kicked it aside. "I really hate you now Psychobunny," he muttered as he knew what was coming.

"You," he said, and punched him in the face with the hand holding the sword, without cutting Randy's face off. He grabbed Randy by his fanciful cape. "You took away my victory!" he pulled his sword back to stab Randy. "The doors can't take much more, Captain!" Rico, for some odd reason dressed up in a gay pirate outfit i.e. bright colors, said to Psychobunny. Seeing as him and a few others were holding the doors closed from the raving fan girls that wanted to save Randy. "Don't worry they will die down soon but just keep them at bay." She shouted back. "At any means necessary."

Lita then did a brilliant thing by taking off a shoe and throwing at an enraged Deadman. "No! I did, you moron." She pulls her hair back. Undertaker went wide-eyed at the announcement then grinned. "The soldier from the mountain." He threw Randy aside, he then chases after Lita, who is putting her shoe on. She slams the door shut and he rams his fist through the wood, talk about determined. Lita is now joined by RVD and Rhyno riding Heidenreich in a featherless hawk costume. RVD has a whip to control Heidenreich like a coach driver with a horse... well something along those lines.

"So what's the plan, dude?" RVD asked. Lita didn't answer. "Oh my god you sent us to our _doom!_" He shrieked and got smacked up side the head by Rhyno.

"Well, I am making this up as I... go..." Lita stops as they ran past a window to see a firework tower and two men working. "Mushu." "Way ahead of you, sister! Crikee, let's go!" They jump onto a paper kite decoration and float across to the tower. Undertaker comes up and attacks Lita. Didn't she hear the eerie music? Oh what that involves Jason not him. She shinnies up a pole and Undertaker cuts it down with his sword. Well Lita and the pole crash through the wall and Lita jumps up and grabs the roof and pulls herself up. Of course Undertaker was going to follow her seeing as he wants to get some revenge. She looks across to where RVD and Rhyno are gathering ammunition.

Over on the tower...

"Basham Brothers, I need firepower!" RVD said to the twins. "Who are you?" asked Danny. RVD pulled the kite up to make him look fierce but it didn't work seeing as the kite had the design of a bright butterfly on it. "You're worst nightmare," bellowed RVD. "I don't think so. See?" Doug held up a hand held mirror. Ok so the drastic measure was the hippy to pull out his tiny flamethrower. Fire and fireworks go well together but not like this. So the Bashams jumped off the tower landing in an airbag that the Hurricane had set up.

"Look! On the roof!" Rosey said, pointing towards the roof, his lame cameo taking place. Lita moved back along the roof , measuring the distance with her hands. When all of a sudden, Undertaker popped through the roof right behind her. Lita turned, gasped and backed up quickly in the other direction while searching for something in her skirt pocket to fight with.

"And cut!" Psychobunny yelled. "Time to go eat. Now!" With that everyone who didn't eat ran out to go do so. As this was going on the Mission Impossible theme was going as Randy was sneaking along to get his Invisible Woman back from the crazy German. Ducking behind a box, he peered around the corner to see Heidenreich in his little area with the doll and the toy. Of course still wearing the now destroyed hawk costume.

Despite not being harmed by the flamethrower, seeing as Heidenreich is a crazy German, he was playing with the toys. "'Sup ese?" Eddie asked Jon. "Let's get you out of that costume and go party." He seemed to be pondering this thought and nodded. "Alright let's go, friend."

Taking Randy's prized possession with him to the dressing room, Randy cursed under his breath. Diving out into the open and raced towards the door but hid underneath a conveniently located table nearby. Seemingly no one noticed or bothered to ask what the Legend Killer was up to. Jericho and Benoit walked by as Jericho was dying of laughter while looking through the pictures his buddy Chris took. Yep Jericho just came into the warehouse with a disturbed expression was quickly replaced by laughter. "Thanks Chris I needed that and I can't believe the stupid monkey made me miss it."

The door opened and Heidenreich stepped out after those two passed and he was in normal civilian attire. Randy watched as he left with Eddie and a few others. Slipping into the dressing room with stealth like a ninja, he scanned the area to find that the doll was with the rest of the props but his toy of Sue Storm was not there. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed Randy and the Mission Impossible theme ended as his mission was denied.

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A/N: I hope y'all remember that line of description dealt with Randy in the past chapter or two dealing with a happy meal toy that I just had to bring into play here. Hehe I just had to do it. -smirks evilly- Plus if no one gets where "That's cute but it's wrong" line is from it's from Two Stupid Dogs with the big guy... can't believe I still remember that show. Also the title is a spoof of how Rocky and Bulwinkle do their show titles. One more thing to add is that the beginning I tried to do a spoof along the lines of The Night before Christmas. Well read and review!  



	17. Fights, chickens and Mae Young

Disclaimer: My life has been very troublesome since I last updated and I have been lazy with it. Yes you can all faint and jump for joy since I **finally** got done with this chapter. This chapter makes me have to bump up the rating. O.O;;

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Act Seventeen: "Fights, chickens and Mae Young"

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"Well we have a problem," stated Sean as him, the assistant directors and director entered the warehouse. "What's that soldier?" asked Psychobunny, whom is dressed in an army general outfit with seven rows of awards on the left side. Christian just shook his head, not ready for this kind of thing early in the morning. "Half of the cast members have a hang over and that's just the extra people for the crowd. Randy, the Rock and RVD all have hang overs that we need to act." he replied. 

"Just give them some prairie oysters and they should be fine. Plus it teaches them a lesson not to go to a strip club and drink." The director said, taking her rightful seat. "How do you know where they went?" Raven asked with a raised brow. Knowing full well that she never went with them. Psychobunny anime sweat dropped knowing she was found out. "I'll never tell you how I know seeing as I'm the director!" She held up her arm and pointed to the ceiling with her index finger while laughing like a crazed maniac. "I know where all my cast and backstage members are." She said, feeling like she tricked him with the phony lie.

Christian held up a sign that has a picture of a baseball and a screw on it. Raven and Sean just dropped the subject and didn't want to know how she knew where the guys went last night. "Maybe she needs to go into a padded room and not me." Chris said, knowing that's the next place he'll go if he sees the giant purple monkey again.

Out of randomness, Eddie threw a purple stuffed monkey at Chris Jericho, whom screamed like a little girl and ran off. Only he managed to knock himself out -after running around like his hair was on fire and screaming about Long John Silver being his great aunt- running into a wall. "Right," Austin drawled out after witnessing such a weird event. "Alright let's get started people," Rico said while clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. "What?" Austin asked. "Last time I checked your scrawny little ass was working in the make-up/wardrobe area and Psychobunny was the director."

Rico stood tall, walked over to the rattlesnake, shoulders held high... and slapped him across the face. He, for one, has a death wish coming to him right now. Austin looked at him with a sheen to his eyes that wasn't there before. The room went silent and awaited what Stone Cold Steve Austin was going to do... suddenly "U Can't Touch This" started blaring. "Who's playing that music?" Raven asked with a quirked brow. Simon Dean was dancing to the song but quickly turned off the stereo located right next to him.

Everyone looked at him with W.T.F? looks. Simon grew shifty-eyed, picked up the stereo and ran for the hills. "Ok that was scary." Christian said, nodding rather slowly. "Well let's begin before anymore scary things happen," Psychobunny said, now in her normal civilian attire. But little did they know that things would get worse... much worse...

While back on the rooftop where Lita and Undertaker were doing their fight scene. Lita now pulled out a paper fan from her skirt pocket. "Looks like you're all out of ideas," said Undertaker with a sadomasochistic grin, lunged at her with the sword cutting through the fan and getting stuck. So Lita twisted the fan around so now she had the sword and readies the sword. "Not really. Ready, Mushu?" She says as RVD and Rhyno are behind the Deadman now.

Undertaker turns around to see a large firework strapped to RVD's back and Rhyno holding a cake. "What the-" Rhyno throws the cake at Undertaker, which causes him to stop mid-sentence and fall over onto the ground, unconscious. "Strike!" The man-beast yelled happily. "What was in that cake?" Raven asked and Rhyno didn't respond. Austin walks over and checks it out. "Looks like he used on of those Betty Crocker cake molds and put cement in the middle as the filling."

"Well what do we do now?" asked Christian seeing as Undertaker was out for the count. "Don't worry I'll be back!" Psychobunny then ran off cackling like a mad man.. err.. mad woman. Within a few minutes she came cackling back with someone being dragged behind her. "This will be our stand in for Undertaker." She said with a Cheshire grin. The person was none other than.. dun.. dun... dun Mordecai!

"Why do I have to fill in?" He complained. "Shut up, act and I'll buy you a puppy." Psychobunny says while kicking him in the rear to get him to get in place. So now Mordecai is taking Undertaker's place as Shan Yu. He faced RVD with a rocket strapped to his back.

"I am ready, dude!" RVD breaths fire on a stick and hands it to Rhyno. "Light me!" "Wait, since when can you breath fire?" asks Rhyno with a very confused look. "That's a very good question that I don't even know the answer to." RVD said with a shrug.

Maybe this time, wait no, the bad guy still loses. Seeing as Mordecai turns to get Lita before the rocket went off, ending up getting kicked in the face, tripped and pinned by his shirt with his -Undertaker's- sword. "This so sucks monkey-" before he could finish his statement, Psychobunny gave a Heero Yuy Death Glare™ to shut him up.

Rhyno lights the fuse causing RVD and the rocket to soar through the air at Mordecai, RVD grabs the sword handle and Mordecai went sailing through the air and slammed into the firework tower. Makes you wondering why he just didn't rip his shirt or pull the sword up to get free. Meanwhile, Lita ran by and grabbed RVD off of the sword, chanting, "Get off the roof, get off the roof!"

As the fireworks explode, Lita jumps off the roof, catches a lantern (promptly letting go of RVD in the process) and swings down the cord. "I'm going to die!" screamed RVD while falling and flailing his arms around. She then lets go in time to drop onto Randy, who is running down the stairs. I bet that had to hurt. "Get your fat ass off of me!" cried Randy.

Well that earned him a good swift pinch in the ass by a clothespin. "I am _not_ fat!" yelled Lita. The Legend Killer cried out in pain but thanked God it wasn't some place more private in the matter. Undertaker's sword landed in front of them.

Meanwhile, RVD landed, did a back flip, and landed on his rear. "Oh man... let's do that again!" he said with a smile plastered on his face; he catches Rhyno. "You are a lucky bug... thingie." "I'm not doing that ever again and what have you been smoking?" Rhyno asked, giving Rob a strange look. RVD just kind of turned his head away and didn't answer. Psychobunny noticed that Raven looked guilty for what the Man-beast just said.

"You sold him pot, didn't you?" She asked. Raven didn't answer. "Didn't you?" She looks more psychotic now and he still refused to answer. That was the last straw and the director pounced on the Goth and started wailing on him.

"Note to self: Never piss off the director while not answering a question." Both Sean and Christian said in unison. The scene continued as Raven was trying to pry the psychotic director off of him. "Someone please help me!" He shouted but no one decided to go to his aid.

Back on stage, Billy Kidman came walking down the steps with his clothes charred and his funky hat was in disarray, which makes you wonder how it's still on his head. "That was the most fucked up stunt I have ever seen! Also that was a deliberate attempt on my life. Where is Lita... I mean Mulan? Look at this mess and how long it will take to clean it up!" Billy waved his arms wildly as he didn't like what Lita has done to the palace and stopped in front Randy as he was protecting Lita. "Stand aside, that creature's not worth protecting."

Randy stood proudly, "She's a hero." Billy looked ready to beam The Legend Killer over the head with his clipboard. "She's a woman. She'll never be worth anything!" "I object!" shouted Matt and Edge then proceeded to give each other a short glare. Before Stone Cold Steve Austin came and gave both of them a Stone Cold Stunner to shut them both up for awhile.

"Listen, you jackass," Randy started to say until interrupted by none other than Vince. "That's enough from the both of you. If I was a real Emperor then you'd get put in the dungeons and tortured." Vince said with a malice smile. Everyone, except Edge and Matt, were afraid of that statement. Seeing as who knows what kind of tortures he could set upon you. Like for instance he could chain each one of them up to a wall and have Mae Young walk in only clad in a thong.

"Vince just let me explain," said Randy but was knocked senseless with a sack of stuffed animals by Chris Benoit. "That's not the line, baka." The rabid wolverine stated. Randy got up off the ground while holding his head in pain and blinking a few times. "I your explain can Master Cheech," Randy said, mixing up the order of his line. Psychobunny, Christian and Raven all went into a huddle. Whispers can be heard from them but no one could ever figure out what they were talking about.

"But Van Hellsing didn't really do all that!" Raven screeched as his head popped up from the huddle. Christian brought his hand up and pulled the Goth back into the circle. Soon they all came up from the heated argument with Van Hellsing and something else they needed to take care of. "Ok we have came to the conclusion that Van really was gay and that what Randy said will do." Psychobunny said with a grin.

Vince and the others just shrugged and Nunzio, Rikishi and Edge all moved out of the way, revealing Lita, whom bowed to him. Well Edge was carried by Rikishi as he was still a little dazed. "I've heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored... you know this speech is rather pointless when the audience already knows what all she did. Anyways you destroyed my palace," Vince looks perturbed at that then his face sullen into a happy expression... well kind of. "And you have saved us all."

Despite him not wanting to do it, he does it anyways and bows in front of Lita. Billy Kidman looked at him, did a double take and flopped down onto the ground. So did Nunzio and Rikishi with more gracefulness than Randy and Edge with their sloppy bows. Soon the whole Imperial City bows to her. "Wow so this is what it's like to feel like Royalty," says Lita with a quirked brow.

RVD sitting on top of Khan, who's also bowing, is literally in tears. "Our little baby is all grown up and saving China!" He looks to Rhyno, who's also bawling in the moment of glory. "Do you have a tissue?" "Here you go," Rhyno says as he hands over the box of Kleenex after taking a tissue for himself. Talk about really getting into the moment.

"Chi Fu!" Vince unnecessarily yelled. Thus, Billy Kidman quickly got off the ground. "Your Excellency?" Offstage, Jericho coughed suck up. "See that this woman is made a member of my council." Vince graciously replied. Billy couldn't believe what he was hearing and to think this is Vince being nice for once.

"There are no council positions open, your pain in the as--I mean your Majesty." Kidman stated proudly that he didn't have to share a position alongside Lita. Little did the unsuspected weirdo know is that Vince has a very Grinch like grin going on. Poor fool didn't read the rest of the script as he would be in for a shock of his life. "Very well," the CEO of the business jutted a thumb back at Billy Kidman with the Grinch grin to Lita, "You can have his job."

Billy gasped in shock then promptly threw a temper tantrum. "But it's **my** job, not hers. I don't want to give it up to a slut!" He yelled while acting like a two year old. Unfortunately, he said the wrong thing and didn't think before he said it. Seeing as Lita got a wild look in her eyes and began stalking to the whiny brat. "Uh-oh," Edge and Matt said while backing far, far away.

Jericho and Hurricane started a bidding ring to how long it takes Lita to knock out Billy Kidman. Nunzio was keeping track of the money while Austin and Johnny the Bull took the time the others were yelling out. Technically since most of them had hang overs they just said the time instead of yelling. "Why does it seem like we almost get finished with the scene but then something weird happens?" Psychobunny questioned out loud. Sean, Christian and Raven all looked at one another and shrugged. It was a good question that cannot be answered.

The times were written all down by the time Lita started pounding and slapping the crap out of Billy. "I am not a slut you dirty man whore." She said while slapping him in the face with each word that was said. By the time she got done with him and finishing with a kick where no man wants to get kicked. He was whimpering, bruised and a little bloody from a split lip. Not to mention he has a nice shiner forming and scratch marks all over his face.

"What was the time?" asked Chris Benoit to the Hurricane. "The time was eight minutes and forty-three seconds." The Hurricane announced as he read off the time on the stop watch he used. Jericho and Hurricane along with Austin and Johnny the Bull looked at the score board to see who has won the large lump sum of cold, hard cash.

"JBL?" questioned Jericho. "That can't be right seeing as he had his time at four minutes even. That ass clown must have changed it." Austin had to slap Jericho on the back for that. "You were looking at two different things at once. The winner of this cash is none other than... Jeff Hardy." The youngest Hardy jumped with joy and claimed his money. "I like to thank mom for watching over me..."

"Don't even start with the speech." Psychobunny said. "Now let's get back on with the scene."

Lita brushed herself off from beating Kidman to a bloody pulp. "With all due respect, your High-Ass, I think I've been away from home long enough." The director and assistants decided to let that one line go. Vince just gave Lita a dirty look before going on with his lines. "Then take this," he hands her the pendant off of his neck and placed it around hers, "so your family will know what you have done for me. And-" Billy groans from the spot he's laying at. Well Vince then decided it would be a good idea to stab him with Undertaker's sword to shut him up. Hey what do you know? It worked!

Vince then gave the sword to Lita. "So the world will know what you have done for China." Lita looks at the sword seeing the little blood stain on it from Billy Kidman. "I don't think it was really meant to stab people with," said Christian as they also noticed the blood.

"Oh my god! You killed Kidman, you bastard!" shouted Eugene when he finally looked at the bleeding Kidman. Regal gasped in shock at the man-child. "Eugene you know better than to swear." Eugene just lowered his head in shame and walked to the bathroom with Regal to get his mouth washed out with soap.

Lita then went on with the scene by quickly giving the Devil-I mean Vince-a hug. "Is that illegal?" Nunzio asked, which got people to give him funny looks. "What are you talking about?" asked Austin. The FBI leader just shrugged, "It was a good thing to say at the time."

After the weird line, the cast went on with the scene without being yelled at from Psychobunny. Lita steps away and hugs Nunzio, Edge (Matt scornfully looking at the two from offstage), and Rikishi. Nunzio started crying as this might be the last time they see her and Edge pulled out a handkerchief out of his kimono-I don't want to know where he put that- and let the smaller guy use it. Lita then walks over to Randy after noticing that Matt was now being chased around from Mae Young. Poor, poor Matt and everyone else as the old woman was in nothing but a thong and a see-through shirt without a bra.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY EYES! I'VE GONE BLIND! NEED BEER! IT BURNS!" Several people cried out as Mae Young ran around trying to kiss Matt. Fabulous Moolah was already on the case of stopping her friend.

"Um..." Randy began to say trying not to look at the horrid sight. As that would be like looking at his grandma for Christ sakes. No one would want to see that. "You... You fight good." he finished to Lita with nothing else to say. "Oh," Lita says disappointedly," Thank you." She walked by, getting on Khan. "Kahn, let's go home." As she rides away, the crowd sheers slightly.

"Do I have to?" Vince asks, looking at the director. Obviously hating his second to last line because it was philosophical. Raven glared at him. "Yes you must."

Vince sighed and walked up to Randy, whom was still looking the way Lita left in. Suddenly, Matt came running by with Mae Young following him and Moolah right behind her friend. They both shudder. "That image will never go away," said The Legend Killer. "Get on with it!" yelled Psychobunny with a mean looking... brush? She pushed a button on the side and several sharp, pointy objects appeared.

"Now that's a weapon of choice." whistled Austin, thinking about borrowing it for deer hunting season. The scene continued post haste after the gizmo Psychobunny has in her grasp. "The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all... and no it's not Mae Young in a thong." Vince said to Randy. He still looks confused. "You don't meet a girl like that every day, month or year!" With that said, Vince walks away, glad his part is now over with.

Now scene skip to Lita's house. Matt is sitting on the stone bench like in a previous scene with the cheery blossoms but now the cherry blossoms have mostly fallen off the tree branches. The one he had pointed out to Lita fell off the branch and landed on his lap. He was sad as a sad person can be while acting. I tell ya he can't act sad on his life. Well mainly because he has been scarred for life.

"I'm glad Moolah got Mae under control," said Christian with a sigh of relief. "Same here," agreed others. Lita walks up to Matt and kneels in front of him. "Mulan!" Matt yells with joy, happy to see a good sight instead of a horrid one. "Father! I've brought you the sword of Shan Yu," she hands him the sword with the blood stain still on it, which Matt has a funny look once noticing that, and she took off the crest and handed it to him too, "And the crest of the Emperor. They're gifts to honor the Fa family... Lord knows we need the honor after all that has happened."

Matt just dropped the gifts and hugged Lita. "The greatest gift in honor is having you for a daughter. That is still weird but what ever. I've missed you so." Lita hugged him back, "I've missed you too, Baba. Now that's a weird saying for father." Psychobunny snapped a paper fan across an arm of her chair, "Don't even start. We're almost finished!"

"I don't see what you see in her," Steve said to Sean. He just shrugged as he wasn't sure himself anymore. _Whack!_ Austin got hit by the paper fan. "Shut up people." Psychobunny yelled. Raven and Christian just kept out of it. Along with everyone else.

Fabulous Moolah and Jeff stopped in the archway of the garden. "She brings home a bloody sword. If you ask me she should've brought home a man!" Moolah said with disappointment. As on cue, Randy steps up with Matt's helmet in hand. "Excuse me, does Fa Mulan live here?"

Moolah and Jeff are dumbstruck and just point the way she is in. "Thank you," with that said Randy walked over to where Lita is. "Man he's a keeper and dead sexy too," Jeff said with a dreamy sigh. Everyone-especially Matt- had to give Jeff a weird look. Randy just happened to be freaked out by that comment. "What? I can't help it if I was in character while I said that. Not my fault," Jeff said while crossing his arms and turning his back to the people.

"That's the reason I should sign up for the next war," smiled Moolah. "Yeah just don't let Mae sign up." Rey added offstage. Every guy shuddered throughout the warehouse. "Why must we keep having sayings that make us think horrible thoughts?" Christian asked like it was abnormal. Sean patted him on the head, "Because anything with Mae's name being mentioned is not right. Unless it's her birthday or something of that sort." Psychobunny gave him a hug after that. "Nicely said."

"Scarred for life- I mean honorable Fa Zhou," Randy said then noticed Lita standing there, "Mulan! Uhhh... you forgot your helmet." He goes to hand the helmet to Lita then stops. "Well, actually it's your helmet, isn't it, I mean..." He stuttered while handing it to Matt now. Smooth move Romeo on keeping cool.

Matt just gave Randy an odd expression while Lita stepped in between them and looked at the General. "Would you like to stay for dinner?" From the distance, Moolah yells, "Would you like to stay forever?"

Randy grins at that idea. "Sure." Matt takes the helmet and whacks him upside the head. "Fuck that hurt!" Randy yells which he gets a glare from Psychobunny. "I meant dinner would be great." She nodded in approval as Rico handed Randy a ice pack. "See that goes to show to never mess with a Hardy or you'll get fucked up." Matt said in triumph.

"Yeah more ways than one," coughed Rhyno. RVD started giggling as he knew what he meant by that. "Hey!" said the younger Hardy as he caught on and sulked, "I don't do drugs." Psychobunny just shook her head and patted Jeff on the back. "Don't worry I believe you unlike Rob." Both Rob Conway and Rob Van Dam looked in her general direction. "You surely don't mean me." Rob Conway said with distaste. "No not you I was talking about RVD." The director then gave Conway a Canadian goose stuffed animal.

Conway quirked a brow at the stuffed animal as she began yelling to let the scene finish. As it was almost done! The Temple, The Rock is looking out the window with his head on his upright hand. "Ah love," he sighed as he watched the newly formed couple... well kind of newly formed couple. RVD popped up right next to him with a happy look on his face. "C'mon tell me who did a good job, Ancient dude." He said while tugging on his ear.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" The Great One said while he yanked his ear away. "Never touch The Rock, you got that? Also you can be a guardian again." He sighed, not really wanting RVD to be a guardian again. But it was in the script. "Yes!" screamed RVD, jumping around like a manic jumping bean on crack.

Rhyno rings the gong and all the ancestors come out. "Play that music white boy," shouted RVD, not caring what he said as it was time to party! Rhyno shrugged off what he said and starts playing a set of drums and all the people start dancing. Shane even punts his head up in the air like a volleyball and everyone starts hitting it around.

Miss Jackie smiles, "You know, she gets it from my side of the family!" RVD swings on a chain, whooping. He looses his grip, falls off and goes sliding out the Temple door. "I want to do that again!"

The Rock just shakes his head, the only one not dancing and celebrating. "Guardians."

Outside, Lita comes up to RVD and gives him a kiss on the head. "Thanks Mushu." Out of nowhere, Spike Dudley dressed in the dog costume, followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the Temple. I don't know the point of that but it was sure funny though. "Mushu! Get your punk ass in here and get these fowls and dog out of here. NOW!" yelled The Rock.

"Cut!" yells the director in triumph. "We are officially done with this movie now." Everyone cheers and begins to run out to celebrate until Chris Jericho stops, remembering something. "Where's are pay checks?"

Psychobunny anime sweat drops. "Come back tomorrow and I'll pay you." When she was really thinking, _Damn I was hoping they would forget._ She then grabs Sean and Raven by their hands and skip out of the warehouse to go party with them.

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A/N: Well just one more chapter to go then I can say I actually finished a fic! (dances with joy) Now let's see how long I can make you wait for that when it shouldn't be very long unless randomness attacks me... Also I do realize I said most people were hung over but then didn't really have that happen in the fic. Only because when I did start working on it again that I totally forgot about it. See this is why I should never leave a gap to when I work on a chapter. Oh well. (shrugs) Oh and if none of you get the Heero reference shame on you. (hits y'all with a paper fan) 


	18. Never trust the director

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea. Last chapter is here finally after procrastinating and going through Hell and not being able to get out from what my last ex did to me. Also my first done fic that's not a one-shot! Woot! Thanks for all the reviews you guys. I love y'all for reviewing and making this a hit when I didn't think it would. As for that something special will happen and hope that y'all stay with me again. You have to read to find out. (evil laughter commences)

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Act Eighteen: "Never trust the director"

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"Where the hell is she!" yelled Randy Orton as him and the others were at the warehouse at dawn. The director didn't even state what time to come to get paid. Just told them all to come in the next day. The sets were still there when they arrived one by one or as a small group. So that meant that she never came back to demolish them in the middle of the night. 

It was going on nine o'clock as Rey checked the clock on the wall. So a whole four hours have went by for the cast members. Matt and Edge got fed up and started playing Old Maid with a deck of cards that The Hurricane had conveniently. Lita was off gossiping with the ladies that Rico was trying to get into. Thus, causing them to give him a few rough slaps to get him away.

Both Billy's managed to find a chess board in a storage closet and began playing chess with Chuck, Nunzio, and a few others were gathered around to watch them. Randy and Undertaker decided to play hopscotch with Stacy's lipstick that she didn't like anymore. It was a weird shade of red and of course the stick broke on Randy while half way through; causing Undertaker to laugh at his misfortune.

Jeff and Hurricane was playing Marvel vs. Capcom on Jeff's portable playstation one. "You one-move whore! Do something else besides the same move!" shouted Hurricane. Jeff just snickered as he was beating the cape off the Hurricane.

Heidenreich was playing with dolls along side Eugene and William Regal was disgusted with that fact. So he went off to read the newspaper. While Triple H and Stephanie were flirting with each other that almost--yes _almost--_ made Austin spill his beer while trying not to gag at the sight. If that would have happened Gonzo would have hell to pay for it. No one in their right mind would spill Austin's precious.

Eddie and Chavo were busy with a nice size bulletin board with the help of Chris Benoit. They were tacking laminated pictures of all the humiliating pictures that Benoit has taken. "Ese you did a fine job with these pictures. Really captured the threesome in drag," laughed Eddie as he placed a picture. It was their little project that would soon be hanging up on a wall. "Thanks Eddie," said Chris with a smile, "It was just too good to pass up."

John Cena was trying to teach Kurt Angle how to rap and let's say a coconut can do better than Angle. "Why did I even bother helping you out when you asked?" sighed Cena while throwing his hands in the air and waving them like he just don't care... ok so he wasn't waving them. "C'mon John you promised me you'd help beef up my free style skills, yo." Kurt said while following after the other man. "Argh! You fail at free style Kurt. So just give up and go back to what you do best. Suck." John stated with a broad grin as he said the last part.

A few people that were close by to here that comment snickered as Angle's face began to turn red with anger. "I do not suck!" John just shook his head. "Well that's not what I heard. I heard that you're pretty good at it." A smirk tugged at his lips as he continued to diss Kurt.

Meanwhile outside the warehouse, Christian was using a periscope to look through the high window on the opposite side of the building. "How's it looking in there?" questioned Psychobunny. "Not good and John Cena just owned Kurt. As my lip reading skills are coming in handy now." replied the Canadian.

Raven looks up from his book and asks, "So when do you plan to make an entrance to pay us? When a lynch mob breaks out?" Christian didn't like the sound of that but he did want to get paid though. Despite him, Raven and Sean O'Haire being the directors lackeys. They didn't even know what she was thinking on giving them for something special.

"Soon my minions, very soon." Psychobunny said in a creepy tone. Raven just shook his head and went back on reading. While Sean was off busy doing something that the director had asked him to do. The others didn't know where he went in the first place.

Just then Jericho walked by the chess match and a dust cloud caused him to sneeze. Thus, knocking down a few pawns on the board and making both Billy's to give him an evil look. "I swear I didn't mean for that to happen," he said with his hands up in a defensive manner. Billy Gunn looked at Billy Kidman as Kidman looked at Gunn. It seemed like they were talking telepathically as they both stood at the same time. "Guys let's be reasonable about this." "Let's get him!" They both shouted and chased after Jericho.

Matt and Edge looked up from there card game and looked at the chase. "Sheesh, it's a game that they can start over. No need to hurt the poor guy as he's traumatized enough as it is," said Edge as he placed down a two of spades on the face up pile and picked another card from the unused deck. Matt nodded and placed down two cards and picked up two more. Grinning, he put down his hand as it was a flush. Edge just threw his cards down as he lost with a full house. "Now we're my fifty bucks since you said you could beat me at poker." The Canadian reluctantly pulled out a fifty dollar bill from his wallet and handed it over to the older Hardy.

Jeff went wide-eyed like a deer caught in a headlight and quickly grabbed his portable playstation off the ground as Jericho and both Billy's came running by. "Watch where you're running!" shouted the younger Hardy. "Almost made us lose this match so there'd be no winner." Hurricane nodded in agreement and un-paused the game once it was safe.

Rey was now helping Benoit, Eddie and Chavo hang up the bulletin board on the wall. "Ok there that's perfect," said Rey as he was the one to make sure it was straight. "Nice work on the whole thing." "Now everyone can look back on this and laugh." Eddie said with a smile. The guys hi-five each other and went to find something else to do.

Heidenreich and Eugene were now playing tea party with the dolls as playing house got boring. Regal was still disgusted by the sight but at least they kept out of trouble which was always a good sign.

"You know what people?" shouted Simon Dean to get everyone's attention or attempt to anyway. "I think Psychobunny was lying to us about paying us." A few people nodded in agreement. Seeing as it seemed pretty reasonable enough. So why did they bother to show up then?

"She's been a very strange director but I think she meant paying us when it was over with," said Randy. Undertaker shoved him off the spot on the hopscotch board making him lose the tenth round they were playing. "So where is she if she meant what she said?" Randy just shrugged as he hated losing against the Undertaker at a kiddy game. Next time it'll be a game of Trouble he'll win against him, Undertaker and who else would play.

"Well I'm not waiting for her any longer," stated Rene and started for the door. It broke open startling everyone as it hit the wall with a loud _smack!_ There stood Psychobunny in a fur coat, Raven behind her on her right side in his usual attire, Sean behind her on her left and Christian was kind of hidden behind the two tall people. "That is not what you call fashionably late," said Sylvan while lowering his sunglasses to peer over them in her direction.

Psychobunny just gave him a look that dared him to speak further and lose the paycheck or shut up and get paid. "Ok people-" She stopped mid-sentence as Jericho and both Billy's run by. Billy Gunn was sprouting curses and threats at Chris about how he ruined the chess game and how his sister was actually his mom. Also he threatened to chop his hair off if he ever sneezed around them again. "Well that was odd." she commented with a surprised expression.

"I didn't know Jericho had a sister," said Christian and got smacked on the head by Raven. "He doesn't you twit." Sean just sighed and shook his head. _'Why me?'_ he thought. Psychobunny walked into the room and the three men followed suit. Christian was carrying a bag on his shoulder which made everyone wonder what was in it. All except for Sean and Psychobunny as they already knew.

"What's in the bag?" asked The Rock. "Someone stop them from killing Jericho then we can get on with handing out the paychecks." She said while taking the bag from her assistant director and unzipped it. Big Show and Kane easily got a hold of Billy Gunn and Billy Kidman.

Psychobunny then started pulling out the checks and read off the name, which the person gladly walked up and took it. Raven and Sean had blocked off the door so people couldn't leave after getting their checks. "Also I did say I'd be giving you something special," Psychobunny said with a smile.

"Well what is it?" asked Rey Mysterio. "A new car!" She replied. Everyone just looked skeptical, wooped with joy or had a smile on their face. She happily walked over to a table with a white sheet over it that was next to the stages. Seemingly no one seemed to take notice of it till now.

"Where'd that come from?" asked Doug Basham with a confused look. "I think it's been there the whole time," replied Danny Basham. Danny had been right about that and they could have gotten the keys to their cars but never thought of it till now. "Voila!" Psychobunny yanked the sheet off of the table to reveal tiny cars that were inside of a plastic egg shape container. There was a piece of paper in front of each one with the name that the cars belonged to.

"What the hell! You tricked us!" shouted Kurt Angle as he picked up the car painted like the American flag. "You do have to admit it was least expected," said The Hurricane as he took the green and black car off of the table. Everyone but Eugene and Heidenriech were not liking this trickery that much. At least they got paid.

"Well time to leave this place," Austin said and turned around to head out the door that wasn't being blocked anymore. Since Sean and Raven had to move forward to claim their "new cars." Psychobunny ran forward to stop the mob of people from leaving already.

"Get out of the way," said Triple H in an angered tone. "I don't think so," Psychobunny said with a evil gleam in her eyes. This time everyone should be trembling with fear as that was not a good sign. When the director gets that look in her eye it should make people run for the hills. Yet the group of people got scared expressions but didn't try to run away though. "Oh shit this is not good," said Jeff while hugging his playstation to his chest.

Psychobunny tosses a bag of skittles to Jeff. "You are correct young Hardy-kun. Sean bring out the 'secret' weapon." She then started laughing like a maniac. William Regal leaned over to talk to Rene. "I think we all should have not done this first movie once it was mentioned." "Oui, I think she..." Rene just trailed off with horror across his expression. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Matt sighed and looked at Edge whom had got stuck standing next to him. "I think we need a strong truce to get through this." Edge simply nodded. "I have to agree with you on that one Hardy." Sean had now came back with a stack of papers in hand. Christian and Raven were helping him pass the scripts out. Everyone groans wishing they were dead or not in this place now. "We start in a few weeks. So learn your lines as each name has been marked next to the character they'll be playing," said Psychobunny with an evil grin.

* * *

A/N: Yes the plot bunnies have struck again! Although it's not going to be Mulan 2. Since I can't find a script to work from nor remember it as I saw it twice when it first came out and that's it. I wish it was though but I dunno when that will ever happen. So y'all just have to wait and see what's going to appear next! 


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